The Reader Survey Results Are In!

If I'm honest, I was a little nervous to create and send out a reader survey.  I mean, what would happen if no one responded?  I promised to share the results.  It sure wouldn't be amazing to say, "uh, well, I can't give you exact statistics..."  But because I'd heard about how valuable a tool a reader survey can be, I took a leap, posted the survey, and asked my readers to fill it out.

And guess what?  My readers are the best.  You were eager to answer my questions and give me feedback.  While I was pretty sure I knew how some of the questions would be answered, there were some good surprises for me as well.

For example, you all are, on average, a little older than I would have guessed.  That really makes sense, though, since the longer we live the higher the likelihood that we'll experience some hardship along the way.  (That also makes me a bit nervous, too, since I greatly look up to those who have more life experience than I do!)

So, here are the results from the 2016 Hallway Initiative Reader Survey!  I'm a total numbers nerd, so this stuff totally made me smile.  (Note:  many of the questions could have more than one response, so if you see percentages that tally more than 100%, it's because some readers chose to put down more than one response.  I just didn't want anyone to be confused!)

What is your preferred faith?

Not surprisingly, 100% of the survey participants are Christians.

What is your age group?

This is where I was a little off in my guessing.  Just 27% are in my age group (18-34, though in January I'll bump up into the next age bracket).  36% are between the ages of 35 and 49, and 18% are 50 or over.  I never really expected ladies older than me would want to read my posts, and I'm so honored that you do!

What is your marital status?

90% are married, and 10% are single.

How many children do you have?

36% of readers have between 1 and 3 kids; 54% have 4 or more.

If you have kids, do you homeschool?

54% of those with children homeschool; 27% do not; and 18% either do not have kids or have grown children.

What kind of hardships have you faced?

This was one of the most helpful questions on the survey.  36% of you mentioned financial hardship; 27% have struggled with job loss; 36% are dealing with illness; 27% are or have been battling depression; 18% have struggled through the loss of a close family member or friend; and 27% mentioned other hardships such as special needs children, struggle with sin, or loss of a relationship.

Ladies, my heart goes out to you all.  Not all of my own struggles have been identical to yours, but I can relate to the brokenness of this world, to pain and hardship, and the stress that comes along with our Earthly trials.

Reading through your answers has reminded me over and over again how much we need a Savior and what great hope Heaven offers us!  Even if it isn't going to be okay here in this life, Eternity spent with Christ will wipe away all of our tears.

Along those lines, I am always eager to have guest posters on the blog share what the Lord is teaching you through your hallways.  If any of you would like to write a post for me (and you don't have to have a blog of your own to do so, or even be good at writing!), don't hesitate to let me know.  You can fill out the contact form here on the blog, or you can email me at julie (at) hallwayinitiative (dot) com!

What are your two favorite types of posts on the Hallway Initiative?

The responses to this question were super helpful for me as I plan out my blogging year for 2017!  A full 72% of you favor my faith and encouragement posts (this is great news, since that's the heartbeat of the hallway!); 36% enjoy posts about family; and healthy living, homeschooling, and homemaking posts all came in about equal, at around 25%, with homemaking's percentage being just slightly lower than homeschooling and healthy living.

I've been contemplating not writing much more about homemaking, not because I don't enjoy the topic, but because there are many other, more skilled bloggers who cover the topics much better.  About all I can do is offer sympathy to those of you who struggle with it as much as I do!

What type of information or promotions would you like to see on the Hallway Initiative?

Again, the vast majority would like info and promos on faith and encouragement.  I've been wanting to do a giveaway on the blog, so I'll look for something in this area (I might need to ask my other faith blogger friends what they recommend!).  And again, healthy living, homemaking, and homeschooling all came in about tied for second interests, with blogging info a distant third.

With this information in mind, I won't hesitate to let you all know about info and deals that I find in each of these areas.  Just know that if I recommend something that either doesn't fit your interest or your budget, it won't bother me at all!  There is a wealth of information available today.  The problem anymore isn't lack of information; it's information overload.  I won't constantly send things your way, but if I think something is truly worth noting, I'll be sure to mention it!

What is your single favorite post from the blog?

Here is a partial list:

• Are You Waiting Well?
• Does God Carry Your Suitcase?
• When God Chooses Not to Heal
• When It Isn't Going to Be Okay
• When Your Mama Heart Hurts (this one's my all-time favorite, too!)

What 1 thing would you like to see added to/changed/improved on The Hallway Initiative blog?

Some of the suggestions:  better social media interaction, better images, a day-in-the-life type post

Oh, yes, social media and image creation, my nemesis and Achilles heel!  But those suggestions are right on target.  I definitely need to improve on those, and both are in my list of goals for 2017.  I don't think I'll get better over night, but I hope that, with some effort, I will get better.  And as I've always enjoyed day-in-the-life posts from other bloggers, I might get brave and try one.

I am so, so glad I took a risk and made the survey.  It was extremely helpful.  I am so thankful that you all were willing to give me your thoughts!

Are You Making This Biblical Parenting Mistake?

Are you making this biblical parenting mistake?

Jon and I have tried to Biblically parent our spark plugs from the day our oldest was born.  We've shared the Gospel with them.  We've taken them to church consistently.  We've worked hard to train them diligently.  We've interacted with each of them on a daily basis.  And we've prayed over them.

From the above list, you might start thinking that we've gotten this Biblical parenting all figured out.  That we're doing a great job with our kids.  That we're super-parents in the Biblical-parenting world.  But we're not - not at all.

But a few years ago, the Lord opened my eyes to the fact that I was making a HUGE Biblical parenting mistake.

I thought I had to prove to the world that Biblical parenting works.  And I mistakenly believed that I had to prove it by forcing my kids to behave.  All the time.  In every situation.  At home and outside.

Friends, this is not Biblical parenting.

Sadly, I know of several parents who are not parenting Biblically because they're either too lenient with their children or aren't investing the needed quality time in their kids.  But I also have a feeling that I'm not the only parent who's gone too far in the opposite direction under the misguided notion that we somehow have to prove that God's parenting methods as taught in His Word really work.

In trying to get my spark plugs to behave all the time, my parenting was lacking grace.  And in not giving grace to my little ones, I also wasn't giving them a correct view of the Gospel.

The good news of the Gospel is full of God's grace.  If there were no grace, there would be no Gospel, no redemption, so salvation from sin.  If the ultimate goal of Biblical parenting is to reach our children's hearts for Christ, then we must be sure we're not letting our parenting get in the way of the Gospel.

So, what do you do if you realize that you're making a parenting mistake in your attempt to train up your kids Biblically?  When the Lord opened my eyes to my lack of grace, He also gave me the tools I needed to begin changing my habits (prayer, His Word, and the Holy Spirit's help).  He's given you the exact same tools as well.

Two of my favorite written resources at the moment are Proverbs and Count to Nine by Ruthie Gray.  They both have been helpful in my journey toward becoming a more gracious mom.

Parenting with grace doesn't mean that I give up on disciplining them when they disobey.  But it does mean that I'm trying to be more understanding of things like illness and fatigue that might cause a child to act out.  I'm constantly reminding myself that my kids aren't going to behave every moment of every day because we're all still batting our sin natures, myself included.  And I'm working on speaking more kindly instead of being sharp-tongued.  I still fail at this often, but I am improving.

Adding more grace to my parenting hasn't been all smooth sailing, but I have made strides toward parenting with grace.  I'm trying to relax and enjoy my children, understanding that they're going to make mistakes as they learn and grow.

It's probably pretty natural to swing between being too lenient and being too strict with our kids.  Each of us will need to keep praying about our parenting efforts, asking the Lord to guide us and correct our own mistakes on either side of that parenting pendulum.

Raising children in a Biblical manner is hard, hard work.  But the end result is completely worth it - not because it guarantees saved kids, but because when we reach Heaven, the Lord will have found us faithful with the little ones He lent us during our lifetime. 

Are you making this biblical parenting mistake?

When Your Mama Heart Hurts

Three weeks ago at his endocrine appointment, I had to sit and watch as two nurses spent an agonizing 7 minutes trying to insert a blood-draw needle into Turbo's vein.  It was awful.  They took turns twisting, pinching, poking, and prodding, and all I could do was wait until they finally were able to obtain the needed blood samples.

It wasn't that they were bad at their jobs; sometimes, pediatric veins just don't cooperate right away.  I understand that.  Even so, it was almost unbearable for me to watch.  I can't even imagine what it would have been like to be him.

Watching your child go through a hallway of his own brings pain unparalleled by anything else (well, watching your spouse hurt is pretty gut-wrenching, too).  You want nothing more than to ease his pain, to take his pain yourself, to do anything to help.  And often, there's nothing that we as mothers can physically do.

What to do when your mama heart hurts

Even when we can't intervene physically when our children are going through a hardship, there's a lot spiritually that we can do.

Pray for and with your child

We can always pray, no matter what the situation.  When your child is sick or hurting, pray for him.  Pray with him.  And ask other believers to join you in prayer.

When Turbo was first diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, we desperately needed prayer.  I'm not the biggest fan of social media, but I do know it can be used for good.  Even though I dislike making big announcements on Facebook without telling close family and friends something in person first, I knew I just needed people to start praying.  So, I left a status update, briefly explaining his diagnosis, and asked for prayer.

Within seconds, people started flooding my page with support, Scripture references, and notes letting me know that they were praying.  I felt a weight lifted.

Encourage your child with Scripture

Once Turbo was home from the hospital, I shared with him Psalm 39:14 - "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well."

I wanted Turbo to know that God makes no mistakes.  He still made Turbo just as He wanted even though Turbo's pancreas no longer functions the way God originally designed it to.

Scripture is an excellent source of encouragement for believers.  Even if your child is young, reading God's Word to him can be incredibly uplifting.  Our little ones need to find hope in God, too.  Scripture isn't just for adults.

Use the opportunity to share the Gospel

Can you use your child's hardship as an opportunity to either share the Gospel with him or remind him of the glories of Heaven?  Not all trials will naturally lend themselves to this kind of discussion, but many of them will.  Why not take the opportunity?

One of my little ones hasn't handled my grandpa's death very well.  Honestly, I still struggle with missing him, too.  It's opened up room for conversations about salvation, Heaven, and what the Bible teaches us about life after death.  Losing a loved one is always difficult, but it can bring about good things, too, if we look for them.

Remember that God gives grace to your child, just as He gives grace to you

One of the awful side effects of diabetes is frequent nausea.  I have an extreme phobia of all upset-stomach-related issues, so when I see my kiddo suffering from what is absolutely deplorable to me, it's really, really hard for me to watch him suffer through it.

Scripture isn't for adults only, and thankfully, neither is God's grace.  Just as God gives me grace to endure through difficulties, He gives the same needed grace to my little ones.  Turbo handles almost all of his medical issues like a champ.  That's the Lord's grace at work, and God can do the same for your child, too.

Be thankful that mercies are new every morning

I'm beyond grateful that the Lord gives us new mercy each and every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).  When we've had a bad day due to illness or hardship, it's such an encouragement to think that God is giving us new mercy.  I've had to cling to that promise over and over again, and He has always come through with just what I've needed for the day.

We can remind our children that His mercy is new every morning, too.  Together, we can have hope that the Lord will give us renewed hope, encouragement, and energyto face whatever the coming day will bring.  We are never without the Lord's care and protection.

Watching one our children hurt is one of the hardest things we have to face as parents.  When your mama heart hurts for your son or daughter, you may not be able to offer physical comfort.  But you can pray for your child, encourage him with Scripture, share the Gospel, cling to God's grace, and thank the Lord for His daily mercies.

Your turn:  What do you do when your mama heart hurts?

Note:  this post is the first in a series called "When Your Mama Heart Hurts."  You can find the other posts in the series here:

• 3 Ways to Pray When Your Mama Heart Hurts
• 6 Things to Do When Your Mama Heart Hurts
• Verses to Memorize When Your Mama Heart Hurts

When your mama heart hurts

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What Phil Robertson Taught Me About Biblical Parenting

I'm on the fence about the (in)famous hit TV show Duck Dynasty.  I love that there's a family show where every episode ends with prayer.  Even though it's touted as a Christian show, though, a lot of the content is not family friendly, in my opinion.  But despite my hesitancy to endorse it, I was surprised to find a few hidden Biblical parenting gems in this odd television series.

3 Things About Biblical Parenting that Phil Robertson Taught Me

1.  You don't have to be limited by your past failures

Many people know about Phil's rough past:  how he nearly abandoned his wife and kids in favor of drinking and homelessness.  His parenting skills were deplorable, at best.  And yet, when the Lord mercifully saved him, Phil turned his life around completely with the Holy Spirit's help and is now loved and respected by both his kids and grandkids.

This should be great news for any of us who have been less-than-stellar parents in the past.  I personally have been too critical and too apt to yell at my kids.  I haven't encouraged or praised my little ones nearly enough.  But praise the Lord, I'm seeing growth in myself as I turn over my frustration to Him and lean on the Spirit's leading.

2.  Pray in front of your kids

During one episode of Duck Dynasty, Phil goes on an outing with one of his grandsons and his grandson's girlfriend.  I don't remember much about the episode except for one part where Phil prays for his grandson's purity...right in front of his grandson.  Actually, I would have completely missed that parenting moment had Jon not mentioned, "wow, I bet that's powerful to hear your parent or grandparent praying like that right in front of you."

Maybe this isn't a new concept for you, but for me, it was huge.  Not only was Phil faithful to pray for his grandchildren, but he prayed right in front of them.  His grandson wouldn't have any misunderstandings of what was expected of his conduct, and I have a feeling that Phil's prayer would be ringing in his ear if he were ever tempted to try something that wasn't in keeping with God's view of marriage.

So, Jon and I have been making it a habit not only to pray for our kids, but to pray in front of them, too.  We'd always prayed with them - teaching them how to pray themselves - but when our kids hear us praying for them to be sensitive to the Lord's leading, to obey, and to be gracious, we hope it even further encourages our children to follow the Lord.

3.  You never know who is watching

As I mentioned, I'm not sold on the Duck Dynasty show, and I've not seen every episode.  But I happened to catch this particular one.  Phil Robertson doesn't even know I exist, and yet the Lord used him to teach me several valuable parenting lessons.  The point is, Phil wasn't aware of how far-reaching his parenting (or, in this case, grand-parenting) would be.  He was simply doing what he felt God leading him to do.

In all likelihood, we won't know the far-reaching effects of our own parenting, either.  But if we're faithful to do what the Lord has called us to do, He can use our meager attempts at obedience to reach the world for Christ.

I learned three valuable parenting lessons from Phil Robertson, of all people: not to be limited by past failures; to pray in front of our children; and to realize that we don't know who is watching.

Phil wasn't the most stellar example of a Godly husband and father, at least not in his early years.  But God used him, broken and all.  That means that the Lord can use you and me, too, no matter how many times we mess up in our parenting attempts.  He is God, and He can fix our brokenness and use it for good in our own lives, in our children's lives, and in the lives of those around us.

What Phil Robertson taught me about Biblical parenting

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Christian Blogger, Are You Making These Fatal Mistakes?

Note:  Some of the links in this post are affiliate links.  You can read my disclosure policy here.

Dear Christian Blogger,

When my friend Kristin from The Peculiar Treasure shared how blogging is not just her hobby - it's her passion - she struck a chord with me.  I've fallen in love with blogging and hope to make it my long-term ministry.  It really is an amazing platform.  I mean, what else gives you the open-ended opportunity to share about your faith, strengthen other believers, and encourage people around the globe?

As much as I love this amazing thing called blogging, though, I've begun to notice the traps it creates in my life.  As my little blog grows, even slowly, I'm seeing the demands it's placing on me.  And I'll bet other bloggers are struggling with the same things.  So, I have three heart-felt questions to ask you today:

Christian blogger, are you skipping personal time with the Lord in order to meet all of your blogging obligations?

Dear sweet sister in Christ, nothing, absolutely nothing, should ever get in the way of your daily quiet time.  If you're not filling yourself with God's Word, how can you hope to edify others?  If you're not spending time in prayer, how can you encourage your readers to do so?

Spending time with our Savior must come before any blogging endeavor, no matter how noble your post topic might seem.  Ironically, we can't be good mothers without spending time in God's Word for the same reasons.  If we're not filling up on God's Word, we won't be able to fully help our little ones grow in Godliness, either.

Christian blogger, are you shortening quality time with your family due to blogging deadlines?

I hate to admit it, but I find it really easy to just tell my kiddos to play a game or watch Curious George while I finish "this last blogging task" that inevitably leads to "just one more" and then "just one more after that."  I'm finding that I need to consciously set hours - preferably when my littles are napping - to work on my blog.  Once I've used up my time, I need to be done for the day.

Because I enjoy writing so much, this is SUCH a struggle for me!  I love all things writing- and faith-related, so when I get to combine those two things with blogging, choosing to willfully set that hobby-turned-ministry aside is really, really difficult for me!

But my spark plugs need me to be mentally present, not just physically seated in the same room with them.  They need my full attention when they ask me questions and show me their accomplishments.  There can and should be time for me to work on my blog, but I have to limit it in order to be fully present for my kids.  After all, they are my greatest mission field!

Christian blogger, are you evading your Sabbath rest just so you can keep up with the social media demands that blogging brings?

It has become so, so easy today to skip God's commandment to rest.  Stores are now open on Sundays; Amazon will even deliver many items on Sundays via the United States Postal Service!  No one blinks an eye when we work on Sundays.  Not many people notice if you don't take that commanded day of rest.

But God sees.  When we honor Him by taking a day of rest once a week, He is glorified in that.  When we skip this rest, we miss out on something beautiful that God designed as a gift for our benefit.  We're stealing from ourselves a blessing that He longs for us to enjoy.

I recently began setting aside one day a week where I am completely free from my computer (including my phone).  I spend the day reading, napping, and catching up on things that I'm normally too busy to enjoy.  Sure, I'm not being productive in the sense that I'm not writing blog posts or growing my social media presence, but that day of rest has been beneficial in ways I would 't have dreamed of.

I'm able to catch up on reading that encourages my spiritual growth.  I'm catching up on physical rest that I don't get during the rest of the week.  When I return to my blog the next day, I'm more eager than ever to accomplish my tasks.  Most importantly, I'm setting an excellent example for my children to follow.

So, Christian blogger, I have to ask: are you making any of these mistakes?  If so, they may cost you much more than you ever realize right now.  I'm struggling right along with you, and I know that none of us is going to perfectly overcome these stumbling blocks all the time.

But let's work together to keep one another accountable in these areas.  Let's aim for a deeper walk with Christ by being faithful in reading the Word, giving our best time to our families, and in taking our Sabbath rest.  Let's take the blogging world by storm, knowing that we're well-rested and that we have our priorities in order!

Your turn:  What good things in your life get in the way of what's best?  What are your best strategies for overcoming them?

Bonus!!  Are you looking for an affordable, comprehensive blogging class for beginners?  If so, you'll want to check out Abby Lawson's Building A Framework course.  I've taken a few classes from Abby, and I love her heart, her authenticity, and her clarity.  Everything she does is expertly done and highly valuable.   I love that this course is affordable and geared for the beginning blogger.  Abby shares a wealth of knowledge on finding your niche, earning an income, improving your photography skills, and much more.  If your budget doesn't have a lot of wiggle room but you really want someone to walk you through the important components of blogging, this just might be the class for you!

How To Implement Biblical Parenting

How to implement Biblical parenting

"Be consistent.  Follow through.  Be diligent.  Don't give up." Most of us have probably been told one (or all!) of the above in relation to parenting.  We know we're supposed to be consistent and thorough.  But how do we go about doing it, exactly?

Even if you know what Biblical parenting is, it may not be as easy to figure out how to implement it.  It wasn't for me, anyway.  I knew that the Bible commands parents to train up their children in the admonition of the Lord, but I wasn't sure how to do that.

It took a lot of prayer, reading God's Word, talking with Jon and other mature Christian parents, and consuming Biblical parenting books before I started to truly understand how to implement Biblical parenting.  Now that I have a clearer picture of what God' Word teaches about parenting, I want to share several keys for implementing and following through with Biblical parenting.

3 keys to help you implement Biblical parenting:

• Require immediate obedience
• Require complete obedience
• Require a good attitude

"Obey right away, all the way, with a happy heart" is a popular saying among Christian parents today.  It sums up pretty well the things we hope to teach our children, and all three points come right from God's Word.

Require immediate obedience

The Lord requires immediate obedience.  We see this over and over in the Old Testament when God led His chosen people Israel to the Promised Land.  If God is that serious about immediate obedience, we as parents should be serious about it, too.  After all, our goal in Biblical parenting is to help train our children to be sensitive to the Lord's leading, so this is a perfect place to start doing just that.

Require complete obedience

Not only does God require immediate obedience, but He also expects complete obedience.  King Saul lost the kingship when he didn't fully obey God's command to put all of the Amalakites to death!  Partial obedience is disobedience, so we need to train little ones how to obey fully.

Require a good attitude

The Lord longs for us to have good attitudes.  "Rejoice always...in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (1 Thes. 5:16, 18).  Keeping a good attitude is not easy, but we are commanded to do it.  So, again, we need to train our kids to have good attitudes even when they have to do things they may not like.  Most children aren't born with a love for picking up, but we can teach them to have a good attitude even when they'd rather be doing something else.

While having well-behaved children might be a perk of Biblical parenting, it should never be the sole objective.  Does that sound weird to you?  If so, let me explain.  The greatest objective of Biblical parenting is to teach children to be sensitive to God's Word.  And the way we do that is by requiring immediate and complete obedience, coupled with a good attitude.

Teaching our kids to obey right away, all the way, and with a happy heart is a great goal, but we still haven't really addressed how to do this.  Again, there are three keys for teaching them.

3 keys to help you follow through with Biblical parenting:

• Use a motivating consequence
• Reward obedience
• Set a Godly example

Use a motivating consequence

Using a motivating consequence isn't a popular choice in today's parenting strategies.  But God's Word - specifically, Proverbs - is very clear that Biblical parenting involves consequences for actions, specifically negative correction for disobedience.  A few things I've learned over the years:  the consequence should be quick and fitting.

The goal for negative reinforcement should be immediate repentance.  Because sin and disobedience break fellowship with the Lord (this is true for adults as well as children), it also breaks fellowship with other believers.  So, when a child disobeys, he injures his relationship with God and with his parents.  Because repentance can restore those relationships, we want our kids to repent as quickly as possible.

Note:  remember that the child's disobedience, not the parents' subsequent punishment, is what breaks fellowship.  If we choose not to properly punish our children's sin, we as parents are disobeying God's direct commandment and are in sin ourselves.

Reward obedience

Rewarding obedience is the other half of using motivating consequences.  The Lord rewarded those who obeyed Him: Abraham was given the Covenant; Joshua was allowed to enter the Promised Land; and David was given the kingdom - all for their faithfulness.  When our children are obedient, we need to reward them.  Sometimes the rewards can be big, but many times just a simple hug or word of affirmation does the most good.

Set a Godly example

Above all else, the greatest thing we can do for our children is to set a Godly example for them to follow.  We need to live in such a way that our kids see us obeying the Lord right away, all the way, and with a joyful spirit.  And when we sin by not doing one of those things, our littles need to see us repenting before God.

Even though Jon and I have learned a lot about Biblical parenting and now have many years of parenting under our belts, that doesn't mean we always lead our kids in a Christ-honoring way.  We're both still very human and still very prone to our own sin natures.  My point for writing this post is NOT to say that we've got everything down perfectly or that you need to do exactly what we do in your parenting efforts.  My hope is to share with you the Biblical guidelines that we follow to offer encouragement and clarity as you raise your own little ones.

There is so much that goes into Biblical parenting, but the Bible really does give us clear-cut advice on how to raise our children in a way that pleases Him.  We are to require immediate, complete obedience and a good attitude.  We can motive our children with negative consequences, positive reward, and Godly examples to follow.

And we can do all of this with Micah 6:8 in mind: "He has shown you, O man, what is good, and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"  If we keep this verse at the forefront of our minds as we parent out little ones, we can be confident that we are raising our kids the way the Lord wants us to.

How to implement Biblical parenting

Why Does Biblical Parenting Matter?

Why does Biblical parenting matter?

Note:  Some of the links in this post are affiliate links.  You can read my disclosure policy here.

I called this series "The What, How, and Why of Biblical Parenting," but in hind sight, I should have switched the how and the why.  Because really, if you don't know why you're doing something, the how doesn't matter all that much.

I've heard Biblical parenting put down over and over again.  "Experts" claim that it doesn't work, that it's archaic, that there are now better and more modern ways of child rearing.

So, why does Biblical parenting matter?

Biblical parenting matters because God's Word commands us to do it. 

That's really all there is to it.  All the child-rearing experts in the world can claim whatever they want about Biblical parenting.  If they are recommending that I do something contrary to God's Word, they are in error.  There may be newer, more appealing ways of stewarding these little charges from the Lord, but if those new ways don't align with what the Bible teaches, these ways are not for believers.

We're commanded to raise up Godly offspring.  And while we cannot save our children, we can be obedient to teach them the ways of the Lord to the best of our ability.  We can administer justice and give mercy.  We can be both firm and gentle; the two are not incompatible, as evidenced by two of God's attributes:  He is both loving and just.

I'm not necessarily against all modern-day parenting wisdom.  The loving aspect of attachment parenting is to be commended.  But it's the attachment-parenting's tendency toward indulgence that causes me to pause.  I once read about a mother who dropped everything she was doing every time her toddler wanted her attention.  Finishing a conversation with your spouse before turning your attention to your children - provided there isn't an emergency - teaches patience and respect.

Speaking softly to a child, no matter the circumstances, shows a great deal of patience on a parent's part and should be commended in most cases.  But if there is an oncoming car and my child is standing in the street, or if Turbo's blood sugar is low and he's too absentminded to get a snack, I will yell for the safety of the child.  There is no sin in those instances.  (That said, I personally yell too much when it's not needed, and it's something I'm working on.  I hope to share some of my victories and tips in upcoming post.)

Sadly, I've seen other parents - even other Christian parents - get caught up in parenting strategies that stray from what the Bible teaches.  One young mom fell in love with the idea that "there are no bad children," and another believed that we simply need to model good behavior for our kids and that they'll naturally follow suit.  Yes, we absolutely need to model Biblical behavior, and there is much to love about ourlittle ones.  But to say that a child is "born" good and that society turns him toward evil is in direct opposition of what the Bible says (Romans 3:23).

All of this confusion raises another question:  How can you be sure what the Bible really teaches about parenting?

There's really only one way to determine what is and what isn't Biblical parenting, and that's to read God's Word.  There are parenting tidbits sprinkled throughout Scripture, both about what to do and what not to do as we raise these little arrows.

Every day, as you read the Scriptures, keep a notebook and jot down every reference to parenting.  Pray about what the Lord is teaching you and begin applying it in your daily parenting attempts.  Ask the Lord how He would have you parent.  Involve your spouse as much as possible; parenting is a team effort!

Read quality parenting books written from a Biblical perspective.  If you need suggestions, I found Ginger Hubbard's Don't Make Me Count to Three and Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson to be helpful.  The Shepherding A Child's Heart series also comes highly recommended, but in complete honesty, I personally found it to be a dry read and never finished it.

It's important to Biblically parent our children, but we also need to understand why it is so important.  Since God has commanded us to this kind of parenting, we need to follow His commandment with all our heart, praying for wisdom and humility as we do so.  Don't forget that the goal of Biblical parenting is to reach our children's heart for Christ.

The Holy Spirit will equip us as believers to follow through on any task that God has given us, including the task of child rearing.  Even if you feel overwhelmed by the idea of Biblical parenting, take comfort in know that that He is equipping us to obey!

Your turn:  How do you view Biblical parenting?  What verses have been most helpful to you as you raise your little ones in light of the Gospel?

Why does Biblical parenting matter?

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What Is true Biblical Parenting?

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What, exactly, is true Biblical parenting?

Even though I grew up in church, grew up reading God's Word, and grew up in a Christian home, I still had to ask myself what Biblical parenting really was.  So if you aren't quite sure of the answer, either, you're in good company.

I used to think that good parenting would simply result in good children.  I thought that if I were diligent to punish bad behavior and reward good actions, I would be following Biblical parenting guidelines and all would be well.  But I was wrong on many levels.

Biblical parenting, just like the Christian faith, is not nearly as focused on outward behavior as it is the inner attitude of the heart. 

Amazingly enough, the Scripture passage that I now lean on to guide my parenting mindset has little to do with parenting directly.

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" - Micah 6:8

This verse gives me what I refer to as the four pillars of true Biblical parenting:

• Obedience (the Lord requires it of parents)
• Justice
• Mercy
• Humility

We need each part of this verse to balance out everything else.  If we were to leave out even one part, we wouldn't be parenting our children in a God-honoring manner.  If we were to avoid the commandment all together, we would be in sin.  If we were to skip justice, sin would have free reign in our children.  Were we to be unmerciful, we would exasperate our children (see Ephesians 6:4).  If we didn't walk in humility and dependence on God for wisdom, we would believe that we were capable of saving our children, something that only Christ's work on the cross could do (John 14:6).

My mistake was in assuming that controlling my spark plugs' outward actions would govern their inward faith.  But the Bible clearly states that salvation rests solely with the Lord; it is not something that I could give my kids no matter how diligent I am to correct and encourage.  I had failed to hunger after justice; failed to desire mercy; and failed to be humble.  I was a Biblical parenting disaster waiting to happen!

What is true Biblical parenting?

Slowly, the Lord has opened my eyes to what true Biblical parenting is.  Yes, it does require correcting and rewarding outward actions, but it's ultimate goal is to reach our children's hearts for Christ.  That is the most crucial component to true Biblical parenting:  sharing the Gospel with our unsaved little sinners.  If our parenting method has any other goal than teaching our kids about Christ's death and resurrection and their need for a Savior, we have missed the point completely.

Let's aim this week to obey God's commandment to parent Biblically:  to seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with our Creator.

Your turn:  Do you have a Biblical understanding of what Godly parenting is?  Do you struggle with any of the pillars of true Biblical parenting: obedience, justice, mercy, or humility?  If so, know that I'm right there with you.

What is true Biblical parenting?

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The What, How, and Why of Biblical Parenting

The what, how, and why of Biblical parenting

"What are your family and friends constantly asking you about?  Start blogging about that.  Chances are good that if they want to know, your readers will, too.  And if you're being asked about it, you probably have something worth sharing."

The above advice was part of a blogging class I'm currently taking.  I thought it was fabulous advice...until I started thinking about what it is people ask me.

"What do you do when your toddler throws a tantrum?"

"How do you stop being an angry mom?"

"Your kids are so well-behaved; how do you do it?"

"Do you have any tips for potty training?"

I get these and other questions frequently.  Maybe it's because I have a lot of children.  Maybe I just look like someone who would know the answers.  Whatever the reason, people often ask me for parenting advice.  And that's the problem:  for a number of reasons, I don't actually enjoy giving parenting advice.

• First, I don't feel exceptionally qualified to give it.  I haven't found any magical formula for child-rearing that I'm dying to share with the world.  I'm just a struggling mama like everyone else around me.
• Second, I'm not sure people really want to hear what I have to say about parenting.  I parent from a Biblical perspective, and unless those asking are of the same faith as I am, my methods will probably come across sounding old-fashioned.
• Third, my oldest is 11.  I haven't even hit the teenage years yet.  I know nothing of the growing independence and mood swings commonly attributed to the adolescent years (although I'm actually looking forward to having teenagers in the house!).
• Fourth, none of my spark plugs currently has any learning disabilities, mental health hindrances, or behavioral issues.  In other words, I don't have a lot of wide-range parenting tenure.

But.

What if this is the Lord prompting me to share what little I do know?  What if, in being willing to share my thoughts about Biblical parenting, I can help even one struggling mother?  What if my words can help stop even one parenting battle from taking place?  Wouldn't it be worth it?

Yes, it would.

And so, with that single thought in mind, I'm stepping out in faith to put together a small series on Biblical parenting in the hopes that it will encourage just one mama in her parenting efforts.  Maybe that mama is you.

For the next few weeks, I'll be sharing about what Biblical parenting is, why it's as important to Christian families today as it was when the Bible was written several thousand years ago, and how we can implement it in our households.

The what, how, and why of Biblical parenting

Before I wrap up this introductory post, though, there are a few things I'd like to share with you.  The first is about my kids being well-behaved.  This, on the days when it's actually true (we have bad days just like everyone else!), is due solely to God's grace.  I have no parenting wisdom apart from what the Bible teaches and the Holy Spirit gives.  I can't emphasize this point enough.

The second, on a lighter note, is that I won't be sharing any potty-training tips for now, no matter how many mamas ask me for advice on this topic!  That's an area utterly beyond my scope of knowledge.  I don't even know how my older three got trained.  I'm still struggling with training my youngest.  If any of you have suggestions, I'd welcome them!

With that off of my chest, let's study the what, how, and why of Biblical parenting together.

Your turn:  What are your biggest parenting struggles?  What aspect of motherhood makes you often think, "I wish there were a manual on this topic"?  Share in the comments or contact me.  I probably won't have the answer, but I'd love to pray along with you as you seek the Lord in this matter!  And if you're past the child-rearing years, what advice would you give those of us who are still in the trenches?

The what, how, and why of Biblical parenting

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3 Free Ways to Nurture Your Marriage Today

Today, I want to ask a deeply personal question:

How is your marriage?

I mean, how is it really?

Are you happy with it the way it is, or do you long for it to be better?

Even if you have a fabulous marriage, I hope you still want it to improve.  Why?  I firmly believe that even the best marriage in the world can be better.  None of us is perfect, and as long as marriages consist of two imperfect people, there will always be room to grow.

But, what if your marriage is in shambles?  What if you're certain that there's no hope?  Well, here comes the exciting part:  as long as there is life, there is hope.  Hope for a marriage rescue boat.

Jon and I have been blessed with a really, really good marriage.  Not a perfect one, but by God's grace alone, our marriage has been rock solid even though our life together has been anything but.  Because I've been given the gift of a good marriage, I want you to be able to have the blessing of a good marriage, too.

Today, I want to share three free ways to nurture your marriage today, no matter how good - or not - your relationship with your spouse currently is.

Pray for your husband.

You're not surprised that this is top on my list, are you?  I'd venture to say that most Christian wives do pray for their husbands.  But are you like me, where you fire off so-called "Nehemiah" prayers - a quick "please watch over and bless him, Lord" before rushing about your day?

When was the last time you took time to set aside distractions and got down on your knees in deep, exhaustive prayer for your husband?  In truth, I'm not sure I've ever done this.  Lately, though, I've been feeling the Holy Spirit's convicting me that I need to start praying more fervently for him.  In preparation for this post today, I decided to try praying specifically and deliberately for Jon for 5 minutes.  I fell asleep half way through.  (At least I'm in good company, since the disciples couldn't stay awake with Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, but that doesn't make me feel any better about my poor praying ability.)

Despite this disastrous start, I'm not going to give up in deepening my prayers for Jon's and my marriage.  Clearly, this is going to take a good bit of effort on my part, but it will be a worthwhile endeavor.  Marriages are under constant attack, and we can never pray enough for our spouses and our marriages.

Prioritize him over your kids.

When your husband walks through the door at the end of the day, who is the first to greet him - you or the kids?  I once heard on the radio a wife who was miffed at her husband for being more excited about seeing their daughter than about seeing her.  The radio host asked a simple question:  "Who is more excited to see him, you or your daughter?  If your daughter is dropping everything to run up to him with squeals and delight while you finish stirring dinner on the stove before giving him a peck on the cheek, can you blame him for appearing to enjoy her more?"

Children are certainly a blessing, but if we don't prioritize our husbands over our kids, marriages can accidentally take a back seat to parenting.  God designed marriage before he included children, though, so following His order for families is a must.

This is another area where I personally need to improve, though I am doing better than I used to.  My spark plugs were constantly bombarding Jon the moment he walked in.  I finally told the kids they had to wait to hug Dad until I'd had my turn!  Jon now gets home earlier while the kids are still napping, so I try to have his lunch ready and to ask him about his day before going back to whatever project I was involved in before he arrived.

Become a good listener.

Is there something that your husband has been mentioning, something that he'd like done, that you could do to make his day easier?  Perhaps the toys in the hallway impede his walk, or maybe he's been wishing for you to make that amazing dessert again.  Learning to listen for these little cues and then following through on them when we can could make a world of impact on our marriages.

Jon has mentioned several times that the two things that bother him most about the house are crumbs on the kitchen floor and toys in the walkways.  The kids and I have worked at making toy pickup a routine before nap time so that when Jon gets home, there aren't usually toys to trip over.  But I haven't quite made sweeping the kitchen floor as big of a priority as I should.  My goal this summer is to get that integrated into our routine so that it happens automatically.

Doing these small things for our husbands shows that we're listening, that what matters to them also matters to us, and that we are actively working on serving them.  The hard part comes when we start doing these things and they go unnoticed.

Fervently praying for your husband, prioritizing him over the kids (and pets, I might add), and listening to the things he mentions are all wonderful ways to improve your marriage.  They are all things that don't depend at all on his contributions, and they're things that any wife in any situation can do since they don't cost anything other than time.

But what if your husband doesn't notice all the hard work and effort you're putting into your marriage?  What if you start doing these things and more but it doesn't seem to make any difference?

Even wonderful husbands don't always notice everything we do for them.  It isn't necessarily that they're being rude, but it can be hurtful to try your best to serve and please him only for him not to notice.  The key is to remember Who it is you're actually serving.  If you're trying to implement these ideas and suggestions in order to serve your husband, it's likely that, at some point, he won't notice and you'll be hurt.  But if you do them because doing so is serving the Lord, then it won't matter as much if/when your husband isn't fully aware of all the small things you're doing to help make his day run more smoothly.

Marriage is teamwork.  By doing what you can to improve your marriage and keeping your heart tender toward the Lord's leading, you can do much to improve your contributions to your marriage.  If your marriage is good, your actions may inspire your husband to reciprocate in kind.  If your marriage is in a rough spot, doing these things means you're doing what you can to ease the situation.

You can always nurture your marriage in one way or another, starting right now.  Let's strive together to improve our relationships with our husbands, whether those relationships are already fabulous or we're hoping that they will be some day.

May I challenge you?  Will you join me this week in 1) praying at length for your husband, 2) giving him priority, and 3) working at becoming a better listener?  If so, leave a comment letting me know that you're joining me this week in improving in these three areas!

New! Free Ebook: Hope for the Hallway

Do you have a bucket list? I didn't think I did, but last night I realized I do.  A few items on my "to-do" list include:

• Writing a book (and becoming a published author)
• Writing a companion guide for my spark plugs' math curriculum (the Life of Fred series is great but seems to be missing a few things)
• Running a half marathon (a full marathon just seems like too much of a time commitment right now)
• Traveling outside the United States (my top places to visit include Port Isaac and Ireland)

Well, I'm SUPER excited today, because last night, I finished writing my very first ebook:  Hope for the Hallway!  At just 16 pages (including the title page and table of contents), it's nothing earth-shattering, but I was over the moon at its completion.  And, as a big thank-you to everyone who reads my blog, I'd love to give you a copy of my new book!

Simply sign up using either the "subscribe" bar at the top, the side bar "subscribe" option, or the super-annoying popup that appears shortly after you open my blog page (I've set the parameters so that it'll only show up once a month, so if you've already clicked it closed, just use one of the other options).  Once you've subscribed, I'll automatically send you a welcome email with a pretty pink button at the bottom where you can download Hope for the Hallway.

How cool is that?  (Sorry, I'm still very new to all of this blogging technology, and the fact that I can upload a digital book to my blog, and then attach that book to an email so that my readers can download it, is pretty amazing to me.)

Thank you for being a loyal reader!

Your turn:  If you have a bucket list, what are some of the items on it?  What have you already accomplished?  If you don't have a bucket list, have you ever considered creating one?  Why or why not?

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2 Parenting Hacks that Saved My Sanity

2 parenting hacks that saved my sanity

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“They must keep you very busy!”

“How do you manage with a family that size?”

Anyone with more than two children has undoubtedly heard these and other similar remarks.  As annoying as these comments might be, I honestly think that the people saying them are trying to encourage and empathize with the effort it takes to raise a large family.  And, occasionally, I think they also really want to know how those of us with large broods survive.

Since more than one parent has asked me how I’m managing with my four spark plugs, today I want to share two of my very best parenting hacks as well as strategies for implementing them.  These two things have had a dramatic impact on my ability to parent and have saved my sanity time and again.

Parenting Hack no. 1:  Don’t let your kids get up in the morning until you let them.

Now, before you write me off as a crazy parent and click away from this post, let me explain.  I need a lot of sleep.  Not only am I often up multiple times a night, I also need more sleep than the average adult in order to feel human.  When I get adequate sleep, I’m a much better wife and mom (just ask Jon and the kids if you need any convincing on this point).

So, when my oldest just naturally stayed in his room until I got him up each morning – something I can’t take any credit for since I never would have thought to teach him this – I quickly recognized the benefit of this happy accident.  I purposely taught each of the other children who came after him to follow suit.

Because they’ve learned to stay put in the mornings, if I need an extra fifteen minutes of sleep (okay, in full disclosure, I’ve even slept in for an extra hour once or twice after a really, really rough night), I can sleep longer without worrying that they’re going to tear through the house and destroy it or get into things that could harm them.

I’ve also heard moms say that no matter how early they get up, their kids somehow know and get up early with them.  If you feel as though you need a few minutes to read your Bible, have your coffee, and jot down the day’s to-do list, teaching your kids stay in their rooms until you’re ready for them to get up will go a long way toward this.

A word of caution:  a good friend of mine once mentioned that when she got up before her kids, she started coveting that quiet time so much that she began to resent the time she had to go get the kids up for the day.  I’ve had to be very careful not to fall into this temptation myself.

Why this works for us:

We’ve made each of the kids’ rooms childproof.  All of our bedrooms are close together, too, so if the spark plugs need me, I can hear them.  (For those with spaced-out bedrooms, an old baby monitor can work.)

We used to have a bathroom connected to the kids’ room, so they were able to use the facilities as needed.  Now that we no longer have that setup, they’re free to leave their rooms for such purposes; they just go back into their rooms once finished.

Each room has a half-high bookshelf and a toy organization system to keep busy hands and minds occupied.  For our school-aged children, they can get a jump start on their lessons for the day if they want to.  They’re usually only too happy to do this; an earlier start means an earlier finish!

How to implement this: 

• Start slowly.  If your little ones are used to bursting through the doors at 5am, retraining them to stay put until you get them up is going to take some adjustment.  I’m pretty sure you’ll be met with resistance, especially at first.
• Be firm.  If this suggestion is a good fit for your family, don’t let your kids’ initial resistance cause you to give in.  Be patient and give it a good 3-month trial before you decide whether or not this is worth the effort.
• Make it fun.  Choose some toys or activities that they can only do during these initial morning minutes between the time they wake up and the time you get them out of their rooms.

Parenting Hack no. 2:  Have all of your children (even your highschoolers!) nap every day.

Before I became a mom, I thought children willingly and easily napped and that when they were tired, they’d just fall asleep wherever they happened to be.  Imagine my surprise when my 2-mont-old didn’t slip into a nice napping schedule.  Confused, I called my mother-in-law to ask her advice.

“It’s funny,” she told me, “but I’ve learned that if you want kids to nap, even infants, you have to physically put them in bed at the times you want them to sleep.  They don’t really fall asleep just anywhere.” She also shared something else that day.  “Another thing I always did with my kids was to have all of them, even my high schoolers, nap for an hour every afternoon.  They didn’t have to sleep, but they did have to go into their rooms with a book or quiet project for a little while every day.  It saved my sanity.”

This was news to me, but since she’d raised 6 kids, I figured she knew what she was talking about and decided to try a more planned-out napping routine.

It worked.

Not only did my little guy develop a fantastic napping schedule, but 11 years later, all of my kids still have nap/rest time every day.  This brilliant parenting hack has been one of the best pieces of child-rearing advice I’ve ever received, and it’s one I try to pass on to everyone who asks me for parenting advice.

Why this works for us:

I’m an introvert, and with a noisy household, I need some alone time each day.  With our daily afternoon nap time in place, I get some much-needed moments of quiet to finish up anything I didn’t get to first thing in the morning; to do my Bible reading; and to work on projects like budgeting and writing.

I’ve also noticed a change in behavior from my kids when they don’t get this rest time.  They seem grumpier and much more likely to want to veg in front of the television, which isn’t my idea of time well spent.  Giving them their own down time has been as good for them as it has for me.

Because I get some time to think and process most days, I rarely feel burned out.  I don’t long for a weekend away or feel like throwing in the homeschooling towel.  Since a Mommy-only weekend and public/private school are notoptions for us, it’s important for me to find ways to refuel in little bursts so that I don’t grow desperate for something that doesn’t work for our family.

How to implement this:

• Again, start slowly.  If you have older kids who absolutely balk at the idea, aim for just 15 minutes of rest time at first.  You can then increase the time until you reach an hour or so.  For those kids who don’t sleep well at night after a nap, you can try shortening the nap time or moving it earlier in the day.

• Be consistent.  Nap time interruptions will happen, but try to limit them as much as possible.  If you have frequent afternoon outings, see if you can reschedule them so that you have a free hour or so right after lunch for rest time.  If that’s not possible, aim for a nap time on the days you’re home.  3 rests a week will still be more helpful than none at all!
• Be flexible.  If you get an incredible opportunity to tour your town’s underwater basket weaving competition at 2:30 in the afternoon, don’t forego the field trip just because it will interrupt your quiet time.  Simply make sure that the day before and after the event have some scheduled rest time to compensate.

Note:  While there are probably a few toddlers who truly get enough rest during night hours alone, my own personal thoughts are that the majority of children should be taking legitimate naps until around age 5.  Just because a 3-year-old doesn’t want a nap or seems to function without one doesn’t mean that a nap isn’t good for him. 

So, there you have them:  teaching children to stay in their rooms until you get them up and taking daily naps, my two best parenting hacks.  While neither of these may be very popular today, our entire day runs more smoothly because of them.  I’ve seen improved behavior in both myself and my spark plugs, and these are what I recommend to moms who want to gain some balanced control and structure in their family’s schedule.

Your turn:  What is your best parenting hack?  What do you do to help your day run better?  Would you ever try one of my two suggestions here?  Why or why not?

2 parenting hacks that saved my sanity

When You Have to Work but Want to Stay Home

For the first 10 years of our marriage, I worked part time first as a church secretary and then as a piano teacher to supplement Jon's income.  I found both jobs enjoyable and appreciated each of them, and by carefully planning my schedule, we never had to pay for childcare.  Even so, I would have greatly preferred to be home full time.  Between the fact that I’m a complete introvert and that I believe a woman’s primary ministry is in her home (though, of course, her home is not her only ministry!), I didn’t like having to leave my husband and little ones in order to work.

I spent long evenings teaching music in my students’ homes, often waging through horrendous traffic just to give a 30-minute lesson before struggling through more jammed freeways to reach the next student.  I taught through multiple rounds of morning sickness, which only added to my misery.  I taught at odd hours to accommodate my students’ scheduling needs.  And although most of my piano families were wonderful, I had that inevitable student who would call to cancel 5 minutes before lesson time.  The worst lesson I ever endured was the time I showed up to a student’s home only to discover that although her entire family had the stomach flu, she still wanted a lesson.  The Pepto Bismol on the counter mocked me as I tried to hold my breath and avoided touching the piano keys.

When the Lord provided a job for Jon that fully met our financial needs, I was over the moon at the fact that I could stop working.  It wasn’t that I disliked my job, but the stress that it placed on both me and my family was a burden I gladly surrendered at the earliest opportunity.  I was truly sorry to say goodbye to my current students – they were some of the best I’d had in all my years of teaching – but the first night I didn’t have to leave Jon and the spark plugs felt like Christmas.

Over the years, I’ve met other amazing ladies who also have to work but are waiting for the day when they can be home with their families.  My heart goes out to them, because I can well relate.  And many of them have been working far, far longer than I ever did at jobs that aren’t as easy and high-paying as mine were.  I wish I could promise them that tomorrow they’ll be able to quit their jobs, that the end is almost in sight.  But, of course, I can’t do that.

What I might be able to do, though, is to offer some encouragement, share what helped me get through my jobs, and express what I wished I had done while I worked.

(Note:  Truthfully, I feel a little timid about sharing my thoughts when so many amazing women have had much longer, more difficult positions and situations than I ever had.  I mean, I worked as a church secretary where I interacted daily with friends, and if I had to work outside the home, there isn’t much that’s more rewarding than teaching.  I greatly admire these ladies who have a much tougher time than I ever have.)

1.  Pray for Contentment

My number one go-to problem-solving method is prayer.  No matter what the issue at hand, I try to pray first and foremost, and I always ask my close-knit prayer group to pray as well.  One thing that I didn’t do much of when I was working, though, was praying for contentment.  I prayed for a better job for Jon; for my students to remember to pay their tuition fees; and for the kids to be good for Jon while I was away.  Had I also prayed for contentment during that time, I might have handled the strain with much greater grace than I did.

2.  Remember that your desire to be at home is Biblical

I never once felt guilty for wanting to be free of my jobs.  I was confident that taking care of my family and my home was of utmost importance to the Lord, and therefore, desiring to be home with them was a good thing.  The world tries to convey the idea that a woman without an outside source of income is incomplete, but the Bible places greatest importance on serving our husbands and ministering to our families.  We should never think that the desire to be at home is out of place.

3.  Understand that life is not perfect

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn thus far is that life isn’t perfect.  While we are to aspire to the Biblical model of the husband providing for his family while his wife manages the home, situations of sin, illness, injury, and death can all contribute to the demise of this beautiful arrangement.  Single moms, widows, and women whose husbands have been disabled all have to fill the role of provider in addition to their call to manage their homes.  I am so thankful that while life on Earth will never be the way we wish, we as believers do have the hope of Heaven where things will be just as God had originally planned.

4.  Consider how your husband feels

It took me several years to realize that my having to work was probably harder on Jon than it was even for me.  It can be extremely humbling for a husband who either cannot work or cannot find a job that pays well enough to meet his family’s needs.  Looking back, I can see that Jon really needed me to be more understanding and supportive while he couldn’t provide the way he felt he should.  I was so tired and worn out from working at night after shepherding spark plugs all day that I didn’t encourage him enough.  If I had it to do all over again, I would want to focus more on encouraging him when he felt frustrated that I had to work.

5.  Pray for a change of circumstances, but be thankful if they don’t

We’re told to ask the Lord in faith for things.  Since we know that staying home as stewards of our families and houses is Biblical, we can ask for a change of situation that would permit us to do so.  Since we also know that the Lord’s ways are not ours and that His timing is often not what we expect, we need to remember to be thankful even if He decides that we need to continue working for a while longer.  Most of all, we can focus on the glory of Heaven, where things of this Earth will pass away and we will live forever with Christ and in the perfection that will be there.

Working from home or outside the home can be very difficult.  We don’t know at what time, if ever, circumstances will change.  We can still choose to be joyful; we can still opt to submit to our own husbands; and we can continue to hunger for the perfection of Heaven some day, no matter what our present situation is on Earth.  As believers, we always have hope.  Whether we work for 6 days, 6 months, or 60 years, we need to remember that this truly is temporal when compared to the infinite days of Eternity.

Your turn:  Do you work or have you worked, either at home or away from your family?  What things encourage you along the way?  What do you wish you had done differently?  What words of wisdom would you offer to someone else who has to work but wishes she did not?

A Damaged Diamond and A Perfect Promise

Last week, I smashed my diamond wedding ring in the folds of Baby D’s heavy stroller.  Expecting the worst, I checked for damage, and sure enough, I’d bent one of the prongs on my large diamond. (Although difficult to see in the above photo, the lower left prong is out of place and isn’t even touching the diamond.  You can click on the picture to see a close-up view.)  This is actually the third time that I’ve wrecked my ring, and I was frustrated that I’d been careless with it once again.  The incident reminded me of a post I wrote years ago on an old blog, so I decided to repost it here.

I’m not a showy person, so I never really anticipated owning an extravagant ring. A simple, small diamond on a plain gold band was all I ever hoped to have. Imagine my surprise when, after proposing, Jon presented me with a brilliant-cut half-carat diamond set in an ornately-designed band! It was absolutely stunning, and I felt beyond treasured that he would give me such a lovely gift.

I never take my ring off, and one day I inevitably whacked it against the wall when running after one of the boys. In doing so, I visibly bent one of the setting’s prongs. I took it in to be repaired, and the jeweler told me that not only was the prong bent, but I had actually chipped my very precious diamond. There really wasn’t much to be done for the diamond, but once the prong was repaired, it completely covered the diamond’s damage and the ring now appears as perfect as it was when I first received it.

After relaying this story to friend, she asked, “Why didn’t you have the ring insured? You could have had the diamond replaced.” Even if we’d insured the ring and had the option of replacing the damaged diamond, I don’t think I would have chosen to do that. While the ring is beautiful, it’s the promise behind it that gives it value. Jon gave me the ring with this promise: “I will be committed to you for as long as we both shall live. Nothing will cause me to break that promise.” This ring, its imperfections and all, symbolizes that promise for me. I don’t really care that its original monetary worth has been significantly reduced; the promise behind it has not.

In a way, my ring also reminds me of the promise of salvation. I am a broken diamond, chipped beyond repair. But God in His mercy covered me with the blood of the Lamb, just as the new prong covers the chip in my ring’s diamond. He no longer sees the broken me, but instead, He sees the righteousness of His Son covering my brokenness. My imperfections will never cause Him to remove my salvation, just as my broken ring does not annul Jon’s commitment to me.

A new diamond might have greater monetary value, but my imperfect one is much more dear than any replacement could be.

All fixed – for the third time.  And I’m guessing this won’t be the last, either.

When My Prayer Life Resembles A 2-Year-Old's Antics

“Mommy, NEED milk!”

“Mommy, NEED cashews!”

“Mommy, NEED down!”

No matter how promptly I try to attend to Baby D’s needs at the dining table, he’s always a step ahead of me, telling me what he thinks he needs and how to do things.  As amusing as it is at first – aren’t all two-year-olds absolutely adorable even if they’re being bratty? – it quickly becomes obnoxious.  I want to throw my hands in the air, exasperated, and ask him, “After more than 11 years of parenting, don’t you trust me to take care of you?”

And in those moments, I suddenly hear myself in Baby D’s exclamations.

“Lord, I NEED the kids to be healthy!”

“Lord, we NEED Turbo’s blood sugar to come back down!”

“Lord, I NEED wisdom!”

On and on goes my list.

I can only imagine that He, after having existed from Eternity Past and having spoken the world into being from nothing, feels like saying to me, “Don’t you realize that I’ve cared for you since before you were born?  Didn’t I redeem you with the blood of My own Son?  Don’t you know that I know your needs – and how I plan to provide for them – before you’re ever aware of them?”

I’ve been feeling extra “needy” lately, and my prayer life reflects it with all of my requests for one thing or another.  I don’t feel bad about asking for anything of the Lord.  After all, we’re commanded to come boldly before the Throne for mercy and grace in our time of need (see Hebrews 4:16), and my requests are legitimate.  I ask for wisdom, for health, for the salvation of a friend or family member, for peace for someone who’s struggling, etc.  But I’ve also been convicted to take time to worship the Lord in prayer, to acknowledge His goodness, strength, mercy, and love before simply diving in with my to-do list of necessities.

Many days after enduring D’s demands, he’ll run up to me out of the blue, give me a kiss, and just as quickly return to playing again.  I love those moments.  I would guess that my Heavenly Father loves to be honored in a similar way.  While He doesn’t need the pitiful bit of praise I can offer Him, He does take delight in it just the way I delight in D’s unsolicited affection.

So, as often as I can remember, I try to praise and thank Him before diving into my list of requests (praying through some of the Psalms is a great way to do this).  And I also try to thank Him afterward for answering my prayers, whether or not He’s chosen to answer them in the way that I’d hoped.

Truthfully, remembering these other elements when praying doesn’t come naturally to me.  I like to pray Nehemiah prayers (quick prayers right on the spot) and move on to the next item on my agenda for the day.  Worshiping the Lord by savoring my time spent in prayer with Him is outside of my comfort zone, but the more I do so, the more I’m learning to deepen my prayer life.  It’s not perfect, but I am growing.  And that’s exciting to me.

There will always be times when Nehemiah prayers are perfectly acceptable, but I am welcoming this new challenge to truly spend time in prayer with the Savior as much as I am able.  I still need wisdom; still need better blood sugar control; and still need health for my family, but my new approach to prayer is deepening my faith and growing my trust in a perfectly-trust-able God.  Although I am doing it because I feel that it is honoring to Him, I am gaining equal benefit on my part, too.

Your turn:  Do you spend time praising the Lord when you pray?  What has helped you to enrich your prayer life?

34 Things That Make Me Who I Am

I love how God created each of us with our own personality and yet designed each and every one of us in His image.  Since I just celebrated my 34th birthday,  I thought it would be fun to post 34 things about myself that make me who I am and that many people may not know about me.

1. I love asymmetry…
2. …but I can’t stand modern art.
3. I’m the only person I know who wouldn’t mind driving a minivan but has never owned one.
4. I thought I’d be an artist when I grew up.
5. I routinely misuse words.  Ask Jon how many times he’s had to correct me from saying defunct when I mean debunked.
6. I would much rather be cold than hot.
7. Despite the fact that I don’t often sleep well at night, I never drink coffee…
8. …unless I occasionally splurge on a Peppermint mocha.  That’s the only form of coffee that I genuinely enjoy.
9. I have left-footed and right-footed socks and will go out of my way to make sure I never wear them on the wrong feet.
10. I strongly dislike the mall and nearly all things shopping-related…
11. …but I love Costco.
12. I am very picky about writing pens: the smaller the ball point, the better.
13. Even though I’m a pianist, I have not yet taught any of my spark plugs to play.
14. I feel a lot of internal guilt about point 13…
15. …until I remember everything else that I AM teaching them.
16. I have high aspirations of correcting point 13 this year.
17. I find minimalism and homesteading equally fascinating.
18. I like being a brown-eyed blond.
19. I like having a brown-eyed-blond spark plug.
20. I often feel as though I lead a vanilla existence…
21. …which is odd considering that I don’t care for vanilla.
22. I don’t consider point 20 to be a bad thing at all.  It’s the vanilla that helps the sprinkles shine more brightly.
23. I’m trying not to drink soda this year…
24. …but I’ve already had 1/2 a glass of Coke.  Oops.  (For the record, I prefer Pepsi.)
25. I wrote my first blog post ever on my 25th birthday…
26. …on my now-obsolete MySpace account.
27. I don’t remember what I wrote in it.
28. “The Boys In the Boat” and “Evidence Not Seen” are two of the best books I’ve ever read.
29. If it were up to me, I’d leave my Christmas tree up year-round.
30. I sing the tenor part in a Sweet Adelines quartet.  The high harmony line suits me.  (No, we don’t sing in public yet.)
31. Speaking up in public always seems like a good idea until I put my proverbial foot in my mouth.  (Happens every.single.time.)
32. I hope to teach my spark plugs a foreign language, which will be a big undertaking since I’m not bilingual.
33. I get tunnel vision and can’t function in large, noisy crowds.  This made for interesting meal times in college, where the brightly-colored carnival-themed decor only added to my overwhelm.
34. I’m a terrible cook, so Jon and I have been teaching ourselves better culinary technique thanks to Youtube.
35. And one to grow on:  someday, I want to keep bees.  (No judgment.  I know I’m weird.  Also, see point 17.)

Your turn:  What things make you unique?