Who do you most love spending time with? What lengths do you go to in order to be able to spend time with that person? Before Jon and I were married, I lived almost 40 minutes north of him, but nearly every day, he’d drive up after work to see me. I don’t want to think about the time he spent driving or the cost in gas that it took to come visit, but I loved that he was willing to put in time, effort, and expense to spend time together!

Once we’re married, it’s all too easy to forget to spend time with our spouses. Caring for the kids, keeping house, jobs, and so many other things often derail us from spending quality time with our husbands. And while each of these can be a good thing, they should never prevent us from spending time with the man we married.

So, today’s assignment is to carve out time to spend with your husband.

Do you enjoy studying other people? I do - not in a creepy way, of course, but in order to learn from them. Most people have something to teach us, either in a positive or negative way.

I especially enjoy seeing how other spouses interact with one another, noting who takes which responsibilities, and watching for things I can learn and incorporate into my own marriage.

In fact, I feel that learning from others is one of the best ways we can improve in our own marriages. Why? Well, when we see someone else doing really well (or really struggling), we can benefit from it without having to test out and learn everything ourselves through trial and error.

“My husband and I just don’t work well together. He does his thing, and I do mine.”

“I could never start a business with my spouse. It just would NOT be good for our relationship!”

Have you ever heard someone say something similar to the above quotes? Have you yourself ever expressed a similar sentiment?

I’ve heard plenty of couples say that they don’t work well together. And honestly, it kind of makes me scratch my head! If they don’t work well together, in what areas are they compatible? While I don’t think that every couple needs to go out and start a business together, I do think we all could improve at working alongside our spouses, whether it be a home project, planning an event at church, or learning a new skill.

Have you ever been wrongly accused of something? It sure hurts, doesn’t it? It’s one thing to get miffed when someone else calls you out on your sin, but to be accused of something you’ve not done brings a special kind of misery.

One time, largely due to my miscommunication, a close friend accused Jon of something he had hadn’t done. I felt horrible, and I quickly spoke up to correct the misunderstanding.

Not everyone is going to love our husbands the way we do, and not everyone is going to understand their reasoning for leading our families in the way they do. In those times when our husbands have been misunderstood or their intents have been misconstrued, we can and should come to their defense.

Of all the assignments in this challenge, today’s is the one I’ve been most dreading. Why? Well, we’re going to dip a toe into some potentially uncomfortable waters: physical intimacy. (Cue all the embarrassment emojis.) But even though this topic makes me squirm, a series on serving our spouses simply wouldn’t be complete without at least briefly addressing this sensitive subject.

Even though it’s a little embarrassing to talk about, for most of our married life, I’ve kept a record of our intimate moments. I don’t even remember what prompted me to start such an odd habit, but over the years, it’s been helpful to be able to look back and notice trends and patterns.

I honestly think this is an excellent practice for all married couples. But doing so also comes with a few cautions as well.

Do you ever feel as though you and your husband have no time to connect with each other? Many wives struggle with this, so if you do, know that you’re not alone!

The reasons for this feeling of disconnectedness are numerous. It could be anything from your husband not needing as much emotional connection to conflicting schedules that don’t provide a lot of breathing room.

Spending time with one another is crucial to the well-being of every marriage, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to make happen! Today, I’d encourage you to be available for him.

A couple of years ago, Jon decided that he wanted to learn to cook. And he wanted me to learn along with him. (That probably gives you an idea of my culinary skills, or, rather, lack thereof. Ahem.) He thought it would be super fun to take one night a week where we would plan out a meal together, watch a zillion Youtube videos on how to prepare it, and give it a try.

It would have been so, so easy to squelch his enthusiasm. I could think of a number of reasons not to pursue this idea. For one, I strongly dislike cooking. We also had limited time and budget for such an endeavor, so I kind of thought, “why even bother?”

For the past couple of days, our Wash His Feet challenge assignments have been hard ones - letting him lead and Biblically confronting him. Today’s may well be just as tough:

Forgive him.

Some of us will have a pretty easy time of it today - we have wonderful, Godly spouses who don’t often do things that need to be forgiven and who are quick to seek our forgiveness when they do.

But for others, this assignment is going to be hard. Even among Christian marriages, there are extramarital affairs, secret sins, and other deep-seated issues that aren’t easily forgiven. Sadly, I have seen marriages lost over one spouse’s refusal to forgive the other.

I shared yesterday that I’ve really struggled with speaking up in my marriage (and, really, speaking up in most situations that call for confrontation). I love encouraging people and hate being at odds with anyone, and confronting someone often means risking making someone upset with me.

There will be times in our marriages, however, when the right and Biblical thing is confronting our husbands in love. And that just makes me want to run and hide!

Most women who grow up in church have learned about the Biblical roles where the husband leads and the wife submits. While these are clearly taught in Scripture (see Ephesians 5:21-24 and 1 Corinthians 11:3 if you need a refresher), how to live out these roles can be a little less clear.

In general, I’m a pretty submissive person. I don’t feel so compelled to stick to my personal preferences that I demand my own way. Even so, I still find it difficult at times to submit to Jon’s leadership! I can only imagine that letting your husband lead is even more difficult for those of you who are more dominant and feel strongly about your own preferences.

Have you ever wanted to attend a marriage conference or go on one of those marriage cruises? I know that in the past, I’ve felt bad that Jon and I have never gotten to participate in one of these kinds of events.

Before we get into today’s assignment, I’m going to share a bit of a bombshell here: I don’t think conferences and cruises about marriage are necessary for a happy, Godly marriage. Bigger bombshell: I even think these things can, at times and in certain situations, be detrimental.

In the King James Version of Genesis 2:18, we read, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” The term “help meet” isn’t widely used today, but the concept (according to Google) is that God created a helper for Adam who was suitable for him.

I’m rather intrigued by the thought that Eve was specially created by God to be Adam’s suitable helper. And that concept got me thinking: am I helping Jon in the way that God designed and intended me to do? Are you helping your husband in the same way?

Does your husband have a talent for something or a hobby he enjoys? Are you actively encouraging him to use his gifts or to pursue his interests? If not, you should be! This is an excellent way to serve him.

Yesterday, we talked about encouraging our husbands. Today’s assignment builds on that framework: support him in his interests.

We tend to think of women as the ones who need encouragement. Women often experience a wider range of emotions than men do, and so it makes sense that we might need a bit more lifting up when we’re feeling low. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s how God created us!

But because women often need more encouragement than men, it’s easy to forget that men need to be cheered up and supported occasionally, too. Today’s assignment is to encourage your husband.

Those of you who enjoy organizing and tidying up are going to love today’s assignment! For the rest of us, it might feel like drudgery. Although I enjoy cleaning much more now than I did in the past, it’s never been my favorite thing.

In high school, my room was always a mess. But I figured that once I got to college, I’d keep my dorm room immaculate. When that didn’t happen, I assured myself that when I got married and had my own home, I’d keep it neat as a pin. After that plan failed, I lied to myself that the problem was with the house and not with me; the house was too cold, too old, too dirty, and too lacking in storage space. And while all of those things were true of my first home, the biggest problem was in my bathroom mirror. I just didn’t want to admit it.

Yesterday, we focused specifically on honoring our husbands in front of our kids. Our little ones are with us day in and day out, and they’re the ones most impacted by how we honor (or don’t) our spouses.

But it’s also vitally important to honor our husbands in front of others, too. We need to think about the way we treat our husbands in front of girlfriends, other couples, and even our inlaws. Are we speaking highly of him and encouraging others to think highly of him for the purpose of building up the Body of Christ? Or are we picking on him, always bringing up his faults, and muttering about our frustrations with him?

If your children knew nothing about Daddy other than what you say about him in front of them, what would their opinion of him be? Do you tell them about his hard work ethic? Do you point out the many ways in which he serves your family? Do you talk with them about fun little ways to show him how much you appreciate him?

Or do they overhear you telling a girlfriend all the ways you’re frustrated with him? Do you grumble about him under your breath? Do you nag him in front of them when he’s home?

Most of us probably do a bit of both. But today’s assignment is to honor him in front of your kids, a habit that will take time to develop.

Are you a good listener? I’m not. I hate admitting that, but there’s no denying that I’m often so lost in thought that I frequently have to ask others to repeat themselves. While I’m trying to grow in this area, I kind of feel like I’m not making much headway at times! This is definitely an area where I need help.

Learning to listen is a valuable skill. It shows that you’re interested in what others have to say. It’s a small way to show selflessness. And it can be a huge help in communicating well.

Whom do you have respect for in life? Is it a parent, a pastor, a friend? Do you respect your your country’s leader, your teacher, or even a fictional character? There may be several people in your life that you hold in high regard.

It’s good to have people we look up to, who inspire us, and whom we can imitate. But one of the most important people in our lives we should respect is our spouse. And depending on your current relationship with him, this might be an easy thing, or it may take some personal growth on your part.

Whether or not we find it easy to respect our husbands, I’m fairly certain that this is an area where we can all improve.

After yesterday’s tough challenge to focus on ourselves, today’s will come as a fun and welcome relief! And it’s very simple.

Eagerly and joyfully welcome him home!

What do your kids do when your husband pulls into the driveway after a long day at the office? If they’re anything like mine, they probably stand outside waiting for him, jump up and down when he arrives, and shower him with hugs, kisses, and squeals. They make quite the welcoming committee!

More pointed question: what do you do when your husband arrives after being gone all day? I’m usually putting the finishing touches on dinner or trying put away a few more items in a failed attempt to make the house look nicer. I’m not usually in the midst of the happy clamor that my little welcoming party makes.