Day 24: Learn to Forgive Others

Dear Little Princess,

Because we live in a fallen world, you will have numerous opportunities to forgive others.  At times, people around you will do small things that irritate you.  You can choose to overlook the small offenses in love, or you can make a mountain out of a molehill and grow needlessly irritated.  I would always encourage you to seek to cover the offense.

Truthfully, you may find that forgiving little issues seems easy.  But I want you to remember that we cannot forgive anyone’s offenses, small or great, outside the working of the Holy Spirit.  It is only through our Heavenly Father’s example of forgiving us of our sins that we can hope to forgive others.  This is an extremely important point.

While I hope and pray that you never have to do this, I know plenty of Christian women who have had to forgive spouses, parents, or siblings of very serious sins.  Even if you find it easy to forgive small matters, sins of unfaithfulness and other deep issues will seem impossible.  And they are impossible to forgive without the Holy Spirit.  Remember, no one has been sinned against more than Christ, and yet He willingly forgave us of all our wrongdoing.  Because of His forgiving us, we can then forgive others.

This doesn’t mean that once all is forgiven, we’ll never have to deal with the consequences.  Christ forgave us, but we still have to live in this fallen world.  Forgiveness also does not mean that trust will be immediately restored.  But it is the first step toward restoration.

If we can learn to forgive as Christ has forgiven us, Little Princess, we will be setting examples for unbelievers and for future generations.  We cannot do it in our own strength, but what is impossible for us is possible with God.  Remember, you never know who is watching you. Your willingness to forgive might spur on someone else to follow your example.

Even if no one else sees you forgive, God does, and He will be faithful to help you fully forgive.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 23: Learn to Cook

Dear Little Princess,

The past few letters have been pretty heavy, but today’s letter is of a lighter variety.  I haven’t set a good example for you to follow in the area of culinary expertise, but I want to encourage you to develop a love of cooking.  You don’t need to become a world-class chef unless you want to, but you do need to learn some basic kitchen skills.  Feeding your family will take a lot of your time.  Learning how to cook efficiently can save you a lot of frustration.

There are many resources available today for learning to cook.  Whether you watch cooking shows on television, view kitchen technique videos on YouTube, or enroll in physical culinary classes at a local college, all are ways to gain valuable food prep skills that will serve you well.

You’ve been blessed with three brothers.  Practice your cooking on them.  Boys love to eat and aren’t shy about expressing their opinions.  You’ll quickly learn what they do and don’t like (and you’ll likely develop a thick skin in the process – another great skill to have).

I would recommend polishing up on a week’s worth of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert recipes.  Use a variety of foods, including allergy-friendly items.  Turbo’s Celiac Disease and diabetes will have already greatly prepared you for learning to tweak regular recipes to better serve someone with special dietary restrictions.

Why is learning to cook decently important?  The Bible has a lot to say about hospitality.  By opening up your home to others – and this includes serving edible meals – you also open up the potential of sharing the Gospel.  A satisfied stomach is much more likely than an empty one to receive soul food as well. 

I wish I had learned to cook better than I did, but I’m not a hopeless case, either.  Maybe you and I can learn to cook together.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 22: Why God Allows Suffering

Dear Little Princess, Because God’s Word tells us that suffering will come at some point in our lives, yesterday’s letter was about learning to suffer well.  You might be wondering, though, why a loving God allows us to suffer, especially when we’re trying to obey Him, do good, and live a Godly life?  Is our Heavenly Father really loving at all if He permits us to go through hardship?

Suffering is no fun, not for anyone.  It’s not fun for God, either.  But He allows suffering in our lives because, according to James 1, the testing of our faith results in patience.  We need to learn patience, and trials and testing help produce patience.

I’ve personally learned that during times of suffering and hardship, I pray much more than I ever do during times of peace and prosperity.  For me, suffering reminds me of just how dependent I am upon the Lord, something I often forget when life is going well.  I need those uncomfortable times lest I forget that I am not in control.

Trials also help us as Christians to remember that our Earthly home is truly temporary.  If we’re so comfortable here that we forget to focus on Heaven and Eternity, we have lost sight of what is most important.  We cannot forget that Eternity with Christ is our ultimate goal, not to make our life here as comfortable as possible.

There are many writers who have much more eloquently expressed God’s purpose in allowing suffering.  Joni Eareckson Tada’s book A Place of Suffering, her pamphlet God’s Hand in Our Hardship, and C.S. Lewis’ book The Problem of Pain are some of the most recommended reading on God’s love and our hardship.

Most of all, we need to remember that whatever God allows us to go through – whether trials or blessings – He does so for our good and His glory.  We might not be able to see how something will benefit us or how He derives glory from it.  We simply need to trust that when He says it’s for His glory and our good, He is truthful.  We may see later on how something that first seemed like a curse is also a blessing, or it may not be until Heaven that we fully understand why He permitted something in our lives.  But we do know that He is God and that He is good.  There is great comfort in that.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 21: Learn to Suffer Well

Dear Little Princess,

Earlier this year, I read a fantastic article about looking for a spouse.  It’s true that we’re admonished to choose a Godly mate, someone who meshes well with our unique personalities, and someone who treats us and others well.  But how often are we encouraged to look for someone who suffers well?

We can take this advice even closer to home:  how often are we challenged to suffer well ourselves?  God never promises us a comfortable life.  He doesn’t promise us tomorrow.  He does promise to be with us through every step of our Earthly journey, and He warns us that there will be tough times (see James 1).  Since we know that suffering is coming, Little Princess, I want you to learn to suffer well.

I’m learning that there are two distinct types of suffering in a marriage:  suffering when you yourself are ill, and suffering through the illness of a spouse.  With Daddy and me, I’ve had occasional, acute suffering with minor infections.  Although I feel pretty miserable for about 24 hours, my illnesses have never lasted much longer than a day or two.  Daddy suffers chronically with his CSF leak.  The two weeks when he was recovering from his first major operation were some of the hardest weeks I’ve been through (Turbo’s diagnosis was also pretty rough).

I feel truly horrible when I’m sick, and I don’t handle illness well at all.  I’m grouchy and snappy, and I’m sure no one likes being around me.  But taking care of a sick spouse is miserable in a completely different way.  It adds a layer of stress unlike anything else in life.  In some ways, I almost think it’s worse than being sick myself, not because Daddy gets grumpy like I do, but just because he’s not able to help share the rewarding burden of caring for our family.

More than likely, either you, your husband, or one of your children will experience a health crisis at one time or another.  Whether it’s something short-lived or a long ordeal, you will need to learn how to suffer gracefully.  It won’t be easy.  It won’t be fun.  But the Lord can use that situation to help you become more like Himself.  He will use that hardship for His glory.

We cannot, on our own strength, suffer graciously.  But we can learn to suffer well with the Spirit’s help.  

When hardship and illness hit, pray.  Ask the Lord for the grace and mercy to get through each day.   Walk in His strength and not your own.

Read the Word.  Scripture abounds with stories of real-life people who have graciously endured difficult times.  Jesus Christ set the Perfect Example of this when He accepted the bitter cup of the Cross and did so without complaining.

Accept help from others.  It is truly humbling when the Body of Christ comes together to help in times of need.  Humble yourself and accept others’ offers of meals, house cleaning, and childcare.  You’ll have plenty of opportunities to bless them in kind.

Never forget that no matter how difficult your suffering may become, Eternity with Christ will erase all the pain and suffering from your mind.  No matter what, keep your focus on Heaven.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 20: Tomorrow Isn't Promised

Dear Little Princess,

Many years ago, I went to a ladies’ retreat at church.  The speaker (whose name I can’t remember now) shared how her beautiful 5-year-old baby girl was killed in a car accident.  I was only a teenager at the time of the conference and since I didn’t have children of my own yet, I probably wasn't fully aware of the difficulty it must have been for the speaker to share about her loss.  Thinking back now, though, I cannot imagine how terrible it would have been to lose a child like that.  As a mommy, I look forward to watching you grow up.  I pray for you.  I pray for your future husband.  I’m excited to see where you will end up in life.  I just assume that I’ll be able to see you grow into adulthood.

Truthfully, though, none of us is promised tomorrow.  I may not be around to see you mature into a lovely young woman, or you may not live to become an adult.  Those are sobering thoughts that no one wants to think about, but you need to know and understand that God has not promised any of us a tomorrow.

We’re often tempted to put off chores or decisions until tomorrow.  Sometimes, it’s okay to eat from the pantry and wait to run to the store until later in the week, but when it comes to following Christ, you should never wait.  Don’t assume that you’ll be able to start living for Him later on after “enjoying” life first.  You don’t know how long you’ll have to put your complete trust in Him.

I don’t like thinking about the possibility of death.  While I’m not at all afraid to die because I know my sins are forgiven and that I’m trusting in Jesus’ finished work on the Cross to save me, I still don’t enjoy the thought of dying.  But I also know that after the sting of death comes Heaven forever with Christ, and I cannot wait for that reunion.  My wish is that everyone here on Earth would turn to Christ before death and share Eternity with Him just as I will.  I want that for you, too.

And so, even though death is not a pleasant topic, I want to remind you not to wait to put your trust in the Savior.  My hope is that we will both live long lives here on Earth, that I will get to see not only you but your children and children’s children grow up.  Should that not be God’s plan – should I not have a tomorrow – I want to think about Eternity today and remind myself that His ways are not my ways.  They are far better, and when the thought of dying is uncomfortable, I can focus on His goodness and remember that no matter what happens here on Earth, the best is yet to come.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 19: You Can Love Pink When Mommy Loves Purple

Dear Little Princess, As long as I can remember, I've loved purple.  When I was 3 and had to have my heart monitored, the nurse gave me a paper Snoopy dog to take home after the procedure.  "Don't you want a pink one?"  She asked as she gave me the option of either a pink or purple Snoopy.  At the nurse's suggestion, I chose the pink even though purple was my favorite.  I still have that pink Snoopy in my baby book.

Just as I have loved purple, you've always loved pink.  Whether it's pink boots, a pink shirt, or a pink colored pencil, you'll choose pink every time.  I love that you have a favorite color, and I love that you feel confident enough to say you like pink even when I like purple.  I hadn't wanted to disappoint the nurse by choosing purple even though I liked it a lot more than pink.

I hope you'll always feel comfortable enough to voice your preferences and opinions, but I also hope that you'll do so with tact and sensitivity toward those who have different tastes.  God made each of us with different likes, talents, and gifts.  If He'd made us so that we all enjoyed the exact same things, the world would be a pretty boring place!  I'm grateful for the diversity He has instilled in each of us.

The Apostle Paul talks about the different spiritual gifts that the Lord has given to each believer (see 1 Corinthians 12).  Instead of wishing that you had someone else's gifts and talents, be thankful for your own gifts and abilities.  Focus on further developing them for the good of the Body of Christ and for the furtherance of the Gospel.

I love reading other authors' biographies and memoirs.  My favorites are those with a touch of wit.  While I also hope to become a published author some day, I don't have any sense of humor of my own.  Sometimes, I've found myself wishing that I could incorporate funny anecdotes the way my best-loved authors do.  But wishing that I could be like someone else is actually discontentment with the way that God has made me.  I need to remember that He did not make a mistake when He chose to create me without a sense of humor.  He gave me the gifts that perfectly suit my situation in life, and He has also done the same for you.

Be thankful for your strengths, and be happy for others whose talents are different from your own.  Together, we will be much stronger in showing God's love to a lost and dying world than we would had we all been given the same abilities.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 18: Learn to be Flexible

  Dear Little Princess,

You might have noticed that yesterday’s letter was a day late (I later updated the posting time).  When I joined the 31 Days Challenge, the goal was the post every day for the month of October.  I fully intend to get all 31 posts up, but as yesterday proved, they might not go live on the exact day I had hoped.

Does this mean that I failed the challenge?  Perhaps some would say so, but I don’t feel that I’ve failed at all.  Planning in life is good and necessary, but equally needed is having an attitude of flexibility.  Being flexible is not something that comes naturally to me, so it’s something that I really have to work at.

If you can learn to be flexible, to tailor your schedule around life’s experiences and mishaps, to roll with the punches, you’ll be able to enjoy life much more fully.  Many of life’s experiences come at inopportune times.  If we’re so glued to our schedules that we either don’t take full advantage of those experiences or miss them all together, we’ll have become slaves to our routines instead of masters of them.  Schedules, routines, and goals are there to serve as guides.  They should serve us, not the other way around.

I know all of this in my head, but living a flexible life is a huge struggle for me.  I don’t want to set aside my homeschool planner for sick days and spur-of-the-moment field trips.  This past week alone, we ended up moving out of our house a week sooner than planned.  Two different viruses hit our family.  The house movers forgot to come pour the foundation for our new house on time.  Life happens, and we can either take the bumps in stride, or we can rigidly resist and get beaten up in the process.

Grampa engineers buildings for a living.  Sky scrapers need some flexibility worked into their designs or else they would snap in the wind.  If they have some sway built in, however, they can withstand tremendous winds and earthquakes.  We need to be like a well-engineered building so that we don’t topple when one of life’s storms hit.

The best way to weather a storm is to have a firm foundation in Christ Jesus, followed by a willingness to change our plans when needed.  Once again, the Holy Spirit is there to help us keep a positive attitude even when life seems to be spiraling out of our control.  He’s there to remind us that God is in complete control and that we can rest content in His care despite Earthly storms.

Yesterday, life didn’t permit me to get my post sent out on time, and that’s okay.  Serving my family is much more important than making sure that my blog gets attention at regular intervals.  Keep your eyes on Christ, and the important things will come to light while the lesser things grow dim.

All my love,

Mommy

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Day 17: Children Are A Blessing

Dear Little Princess,

As I mentioned earlier, many couples choose to wait several years before starting a family.  As wonderful as it might sound to have some exclusive couple time before having a baby, it’s important to remember that children are a blessing and that life doesn’t always turn out how we expect and plan.  Children should never be viewed as an inconvenience or a burden.  They are God’s gift within marriage.

When Daddy and I were growing up, families of 4 (like mine) were considered to be on the smaller side of average, and families of 6 (like Daddy’s) were only thought to be slightly larger than average.  It wasn’t uncommon to see families with 8 children or more.  Today, I am constantly peppered with reminders of how unusual it is to see a family with four children, especially here in the Bay Area.  I think society has lost sight of the fact that children are a blessing.  In some instances, it almost feels as though kids are viewed as a burden.

Raising children is hard.  You kids have an uncanny way of bringing out my worst flaws.  Your ability to irritate my last nerve is incredible.  And yes, I’ve lost sleep many nights since having children of my own.  But those long nights and frustrating moments pale in comparison to the joy you’ve brought to Daddy and me.  Seeing you smile for the first time, watching Turbo trying a new task, hearing Wing Man graciously helping Turbo with his diabetes…those moments far outstrip the hard times.

But nothing can compare to the joy of seeing moments of spiritual maturity in you and your brothers.  I agree with John:  “I have no greater joy than to hear [or see] that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 1:4).  This is why we became parents.  This is what we pray for every single night.  This is what raising children is about.

All of that said, I also have to remember that if/when you do grow in Godliness, it is neither Daddy’s nor my doing.  We can plant the seeds, we can water with the Word, we can point you toward Christ, but only God can draw your hearts.  If there were some magical way that we could guarantee that you all would grow up to believe in the Lord, then salvation would be as a result of an outward action on our part rather than by God’s grace.  Works don’t save – not ourselves, and not our children, either.  This is such an important point.

So, Little Princess, if the Lord blesses you with marriage and children, never forget that children are a blessing from God.  Remember that you have an obligation to raise your children in a Biblical manner.  But also remember that you cannot save them.  You can, however, pray fervently for their salvation, which is what Daddy and I pray for every single night.  We need to be faithful to do what God has called us to do, and we know that He will be Faithful and Just.  There is so much security in His Goodness.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 16: On Choosing A Husband

Dear Little Princess,

I love Daddy’s and my love story.  While I do think it is a sweet one, the biggest reason that I love it is because it belongs to us.  We got married when I was 22, which is very young by today’s standards.  We had our first baby just 11 months later, while many (perhaps even most) other couples wait much longer before starting a family.  So far, we have a total of four children, which is considered to be a lot.  The Lord has simply led us down the road less traveled, and we’re very happy with how our life together has turned out.

If you marry, your story likely will be very different from ours.  You may not meet your husband until you are many years older than I was.  Perhaps you’ll struggle with infertility or the loss of a child, two things we’ve not gone through.  You might make wiser financial choices than we have, and maybe you’ll be able to travel or enjoy things at a younger-than-average age.

When you’re old enough to start considering marriage, there are many things that won’t matter much in the long run.  Your husband’s hair and eye color, height, and build won’t have a lot of eternal bearing.  His faith, personality, and character, however, will dramatically influence your marriage, so focus on finding a husband whose faith in the Lord is unshakable, who reacts reasonably to both blessings and trials, and whose personality meshes well with yours.

It might also be tempting to try to find a husband who’s just like Daddy.  Although I think this is admirable, the truth is that Daddy is going to have some years of wisdom on a young man near your age.  Instead of looking for someone just like Daddy, I would recommend that you look for someone with the potential to become like Daddy.  Look for someone with honesty, integrity, and a sense of humor.  Look for someone who desires the things of the Lord and who causes you to grow in your faith.

Be wary of anyone who is overly flattering, who answers his parents or other authorities harshly, or who makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason.  Observe his actions.  Does he follow through on what he says, or does he make grand-sounding suggestions on which he never delivers?  Is he a hard worker?  Is he punctual?  Is he reliable?

Remember that there is no perfect husband aside from Christ’s relationship with the Church.  Men are not mind readers (and neither are women).  It will take time to get to know someone well enough to be reasonably sure that he would make a suitable husband.  Again, look for someone with the potential to develop the qualities that you value.  Be discerning in your choice.  And as you look and wait for the Lord’s timing for marriage, be sure that you are working on your life, too.  Do you have weaknesses or areas where you need to mature?  Don’t ignore your own faults.  Ask the Lord to help you pinpoint and improve on your shortcomings.

No matter whether you marry or stay single, never forget that the Lord should always be your first love.  Focus on Him first, no matter what.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 15: When Daddy Met Mommy (Part 2)

Dear Little Princess,

After spending 3 years attending the same college, Daddy graduated in December of 2002, and I still had a year of study left.  While I was home on Christmas break and Daddy was home for good after graduating, he proposed to me on my 21st birthday.  I had wanted to go to the snow for my birthday (really, what else is there to do when one’s birthday falls on the day after New Year’s?), so my family, along with Daddy, drove up to the town of Strawberry to enjoy an afternoon of tobogganing.

I never would have guessed it by the way Daddy was sliding down the snow trails and wrestling with my brothers, but the entire time we were playing in the snow, he had a diamond ring in his jacket pocket.  It had been overcast the entire day, but at one point in the afternoon, Daddy suggested that he and I walk down to the river for a few minutes.  Even though I was clueless, my entire family knew that he was going to propose and didn’t volunteer to go with us.

Daddy took me down to the water where we admired a snow-covered bridge arching over the riverbed.  We sat down in the snow together, and then, kneeling in front of me, he took the ring box out of his pocket and asked if I would be his bride.  Right as he asked, the sun came out behind the clouds for the first time all day.  It was perfect….and just then a huge clump of snow fell out of a tree and landed on my head, getting me soggy, wet, and cold.  We both had to laugh.

The picturesque weather followed by the dousing of snow adequately sums up our married life.  There have been many beautiful points along the way, but there have been some pretty cold, difficult moments, too.  But even in tough times, God’s grace has been greater than any trial or difficulty.  I want you to know, Little Princess, that no matter what happens in this Earthly life, the future glory of Heaven will be worth it all.  The Bible never promises us a life of ease or wealth here on Earth.  In fact, we’re told to anticipate the trials that are coming.

As hard as some things have been for me, I am so thankful that the Lord gave me Daddy as my companion for those hard times.  I hope and pray that if you get married, your husband will be a wonderful friend and help to you in both times of struggle and times of blessing.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 14: When Daddy Met Mommy (Part 1)

Dear Little Princess,

Love stories can be lots of fun, so I thought I would share how Daddy and I met.  I was just 16 and Daddy 19 when my family started going to the same church that Daddy’s family attended.  We were both kind of shy and never really said much to one another, but I thought he was awfully cute, and he liked my round face.  (He was a little sad when, after Turbo was born, my face thinned out more.)

Since both of our families had lots of kids and we all liked soccer, we started getting together on Saturday mornings for big scrimmages with one another and with another families from church, too.  Our first family soccer game landed on the day I turned 17, but I wouldn’t let my family tell Daddy’s that it was my birthday.  Daddy ended up having to work, so I didn’t get to see him, but we still had a lot of fun.

After a while, Daddy and I felt more comfortable talking with one another, and when he went away to college, we wrote letters back and forth.  For Christmas just before I turned 18, Daddy gave me a pretty gold chain with a square stone pendant.  I still have it.

I didn’t really want to go to the same college that Daddy was attending because I was worried that people who knew us would think that I’d chosen that college only because of him.  But Grandpa gave me some good advice.  He said not to worry about what other people thought and just to do what was best for me.  (That’s excellent advice for any situation in life, Little Princess.  The only Person whose opinion should matter to you is the Lord’s.)  So, based on that, I did go to school with Daddy and his two older brothers that following Fall.  And guess what?  No one cared or thought anything at all about my going with them.  🙂

Daddy, his brothers, and I did almost everything together at school.  I got to know them really, really well (especially Daddy), and I’m grateful for our years at college, even though there were some really hard times back then, too.  We never really dated and never called one another “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” and I’m glad.  There’s nothing wrong with those terms, but it was just easier for us to develop a healthy friendship by avoiding some of the things we chose to skip.  I’m not saying that you need to do everything exactly as we did, but I definitely believe that if the Lord allows you to marry, you and your future husband should be best friends.

I’ll share more of our story tomorrow!

All my love,

Mommy

Day 13: Learn to be Discerning

Dear Little Princess,

There is no end to the amount of advice - good and bad - available today.  And the frustrating part is that you’ll find completely opposite suggestions for just about everything you might want advice about.  The only way to wade through this opinion soup is to learn to be discerning.

Zig Ziglar once said something along these lines:  “Good judgment comes from experience, which comes from bad judgment.”  There is a great deal of truth in that statement!  It takes time to develop discernment, and it won’t be easy to obtain, but it is a worthwhile pursuit.

The first thing you need to do when developing the ability to be discerning is to start with God’s Word.  The Bible is the Final Authority.  Sometimes, His commandments will not at first appear to be the wisest advice, but this is only because we cannot foresee the future and He can.  If He has commanded you either to do or not do something, you can rest assured that obeying Him is the best thing you can do.

However, there are a few areas where God’s Word seems either to be unclear or silent all together (although these issues are really few and far between).  What then?  In those cases, prayer is your next step.  As Christians, we have the amazing leading of the Holy Spirit.  I cannot stress enough the importance of the Holy Spirit’s guidance in life.

Are you seeing a trend in these letters, Little Princess?  Start with God’s Word.  Pray.  Follow the Spirit’s leading.  Seek out Godly counsel.  These steps apply to all of life, no matter the issue.  It’s no different for learning to be discerning.

There will be times when you make mistakes in life, when you will be led astray by wayward thinking, when you make a poor judgment call.  I’ve done this more times than I’d ever like to admit to.  This, frustratingly, is part of being human.  Thankfully, the Lord can teach you just as much during times of bad decision-making as when you choose wisely.  Learn from your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness as needed.  I’m still learning how to do these things well.  I’m not quick to repent, and I get easily frustrated at myself for poor choices.  But never forget that the Lord is ready and willing to forgive and to help you learn from your mistakes.

Even though you’ll fail at times, pursue discernment.  You will never regret the time spent on such an endeavor.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 12: Learn to be A Good Steward

Dear Little Princess,

The Bible has a lot to say about stewardship, or the care-taking of someone else’s things.  Here on Earth, everything belongs to God (Ps. 24:1), but He has graciously lent us all things for our good and enjoyment.  Did you know that He has lent you and your brothers to Daddy and me?  As much as I want to think of you as my own, you are all His, but Daddy and I get to take care of you.  He has asked me to be your steward.

Stewardship is usually a term used when people are talking about money.  I want you to know that money is just a resource.  It can help in many ways, but unless we have the proper attitude toward it – that we are merely managers of it and not owners – it will never bring us happiness.  I hope and pray that you learn to be wise with your finances so that the money the Lord lends you will serve you well.

In addition to being a steward of money, Little Princess, we’re also called to be stewards of the entire Earth.  If we can remember that everything we “own” in life is really just on loan from the Lord, it can help us to be better managers of what God has entrusted us with.  You’ll hear over and over phrases like, “save the whales!” or, “save the Earth!”  But we are not saviors.  Only Jesus saves.  We are, however, stewards, and as such, we are called to care for and protect the Earth, the animals, and our environment.

The Lord has placed us as caretakers over His creation.  In addition to creating us in His image, this is yet another way He differentiates us from the animals.  Being a good steward of what is His is a difficult task, but just as with everything else in life, He will help us to do well the job He has called us to do.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 11: Don't Neglect Your Appearance

Dear Little Princess,

Yesterday, I shared that the Lord looks at our heart and not our outward appearance, but I also said that we shouldn’t ignore our appearance, either.  Why?  Well, there are several reasons, but the most important is that that God is the Creator of order and beauty.  We are a part of His creation, and as such, we should strive to look our best for Him.

When I say we should look our best, I mean that we should wear sensible, well-fitting, coordinated clothing.  Our hair should look brushed and cared for.  I don’t mean that we should be dressed in a ballgown every minute of the day, nor do I mean that we should spend exorbitant amounts of time in preparing to leave the house.

I personally will choose comfort over style any day, and it shows.  I’m often uncoordinated in my wardrobe choices, and I’m certain that I don’t always represent the Lord to my fullest potential when it comes to dressing nicely for His sake.  Honestly, I probably need to ask for some fashion advice from a few close friends who are gifted in this area, not so that I can become completely engrossed in my appearance, but so that, if at all possible, my looks won’t detract from the Gospel.

While we’re on the topic of outward appearance, though, there is a tender subject I want to bring up.  Some women, like me, don’t always dress the best because of lack of interest or lack of talent, but for others, they have a lack of finances.  They may have no room in the budget for even the most inexpensive of new tops or shoes.  I’ve been there.  If you find yourself there, too, do what you can with what you have.  I personally think I’m allergic to ironing, but truthfully, a freshly-pressed shirt, even a faded one, can look much more presentable than if that same shirt were yanked out from the bottom of the unfolded basket of laundry.  (Not that I’ve ever done that.  Ahem.)

You have already demonstrated an interest in fashion and in looking your best, Little Princess, and I’m glad for that.  I hope that you will develop a better sense of style than I have.  But I also want you to be cautious that you don’t get caught up in the frivolity of dressing well.  At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it’s your heart attitude that matters most.

There is a fine balance between dressing sensibly and presentably while keeping in mind that outer appearances should not be the focus of our hearts.  We won’t be able to perfectly keep that balance in check here on Earth, but through prayer and studying God’s Word, He will help us to be mindful of the things that have eternal value.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 10: Focus On Inner Beauty

Dear Little Princess,

From the time you could talk, you’ve been asking Daddy if you look beautiful.  You usually ask this question after putting on a pretty dress-up gown or brushing your hair.  Daddy, ever the good sport, tells you, “yes, Sweetie, you look great!”  And it’s true:  you are beautiful.

However, I want you to know that true beauty doesn’t come from clothing, makeup, hair-dos, or accessories.  It doesn’t even come from your God-given appearance.  True beauty, like modesty, is a heart condition.  If you spend all of your time adorning your outer look but never seek to develop a beautiful spirit, you will have missed the point of the Biblical definition of beauty.

While this doesn’t mean that we should ignore our exterior appearance (more on that tomorrow), it simply means that our outward looks should not be our foremost thought or be all-consuming.  As you brush your hair, think about what inner qualities the Lord desires.  As you choose your outfit, consider what areas in your heart need improvement.

Are you quick to get angry?  Do you have a sharp tongue?  Do you judge those around you?  Do you think on things that are not lovely or pure (Phil. 4:8)?  Ask the Lord to help you in whatever area(s) you are struggling.  Diligently work on them.  Pray about them.  Memorize verses that address each issue.  Read biblically-based books that offer ideas on how to overcome them.  Ask those around you to pray and to hold you accountable.  Choose Biblical attitudes that you want to replace your sinful ones with.  Work as hard at dressing your inner beauty as you do your outer.

I’ve known many women with flawless exteriors, who wear the latest fashions, and who have no depth of character.  It’s very sad to see.  I’ve also known women who are very spiritually mature but who are very homely in appearance, and sadly, not many people pay them any attention because of the false notion that their outer look indicates what their inner character is like.  (There is a difference between homeliness for lack of care and homeliness for lack of income.  I’ll share more about this tomorrow as well.)

We should focus first on our inner character and then move on to our outer style.  Man looks at the outside, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Sam. 16:7).  Both are important here on Earth, but never forget, Little Princess, that since the Lord cares about the condition of our heart and not of our clothing, our hearts are of much greater value.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 9: Learn to be A Good Sister

Dear Little Princess,

I’m so glad that you have three wonderful brothers.  Having siblings is such an amazing gift!  I’m sure that there are times when having brothers to share with doesn’t always seem like a blessing, but my prayer for all of you is that you eventually understand that having brothers and a sister is a gift to be appreciated.  And there is a lot that you can do to show your brothers that you are a blessing to them.

Being a good sister can be hard.  Although I think that too much emphasis is placed on the differences between boys and girls (boys and girls are still both human, not completely different creatures), it’s good to remember that God created differences between you and your brothers.  They like things that you don’t care for.  You enjoy activities that they don’t prefer.  It’s perfectly okay.

Sometimes, the boys will want to do something that completely annoys you.  You can choose either to show your annoyance or to be gracious.  Remembering that you love activities that annoy them might help you to focus on being forgiving even when it’s easier to get frustrated.

If you need your brothers’ help, you can choose either to ask them politely or demand that they serve you.  Asking politely may not always motivate them to do the right thing and help you, but at least you will know that you handled the situation in a Godly way.

Your brothers can also be your friends.  Show interest in their hobbies.  Offer kind, encouraging words.  Help them in areas where they are struggling.  Listen to what they have to say.  I encourage them to do the same for you.  Everything I shared earlier about being a good friend also applies to siblings.  As we work together to treat one another well, that sibling friendship will grow.

Above all, help point your brothers toward Christ.  Did you know that you can be a witness for God to your brothers as well to as your friends?  Even though you are not the oldest, you can still set a Godly example for each of them.  I think we sometimes forget that our siblings are observing our actions every bit as much – if not more – than the rest of the world is.  What kind of example are you presenting for them?

Pray for your brothers just as you would pray for anyone else.  Ask if they have requests that you could pray for.  If you know of something that they have coming up, like a test or a doctor’s visit, let them know that you’re praying about it.  People feel very encouraged to know that someone else is remembering them in prayer.  It’s sweet to hear that a sister is praying for her brothers.

Sadly, sometimes there is nothing you can do to help a sibling return your friendship.  I’ve seen siblings become estranged from their families for many different reasons, and it is always heartbreaking.  In situations like these, you can still pray for that sibling.  You never know how the Lord may work in his heart later on.

If you are ever unsure of how to respond to one of your brothers, don’t hesitate to ask me or Daddy.  We each have a sister and several brothers, so chances are good that we’ve encountered whatever the situation is that you’re confused about!  Whether one of the boys is picking on you or whether one of them needs encouragement, we’re here to help you be a good sister to your brothers.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 8: Don't Forget to Rest

Dear Little Princess,

I shared in yesterday’s letter about the struggle with Baby D’s illness and being away from Daddy at night.  I encouraged you to do hard things.  Today, I want you to know that it’s also okay – necessary, even – to rest.  Doing hard things requires endurance.  Endurance requires rest.

Today’s letter will be more like a short note, because I need to follow my own advice and rest.  This week has been incredibly stressful for me, and even though Daddy, you, and your brothers are doing a fantastic job helping out as much as possible, rest is what I need.

God knew that we needed rest, so much so that He set the example by resting on the Sabbath and then commanded us to do the same.  Someday soon I hope to write more about Savoring the Sabbath, but for now, remember:  Rest is a precious thing that we forget about all too easily.  Plan for rest.  Schedule it in your calendar.  Prepare to enjoy some downtime.  It will be one of the best things you can do for yourself, for your family, and for everyone else around you.  I promise!

All my love,

Mommy

Day 7: Do Hard Things

Dear Little Princess,

Tonight, Baby D started running a fever just as you and the boys and I were getting ready to spend the night at Grammie’s.  Grammie had asked us if we could house-sit for them, but Daddy has to stay home because our house is a lot closer to his work than Grammie’s house is.  Caring for sick spark plugs is one of my least favorite Mommy jobs, and caring for sick spark plugs on my own without Daddy’s help is even harder.

Just before we left, Daddy offered to keep Baby D with him and to take a sick day tomorrow.  I was so, so tempted to take him up on his offer.  I know I would have slept better and would have worried less.  But Daddy just took off two family days last week, and as much as I would have loved him to stay home with D, I knew that Daddy’s boss would appreciate having him in the office instead of at home.

So, I did a really hard thing:  I took all the spark plugs up to Grammie’s as planned.

For another mommy, this probably wouldn’t have been a big deal at all.  But this is one of my struggle areas, so for me, it was a really hard thing to do.  And I did it anyway.  I know that the Lord will help me.  I know that this illness, whatever it is, will not last long in the big scheme of things.  It’s probably just a virus.  Even so, it fills me with dread.  I’ve always been afraid of sickness, and I probably will always have that fear.  I don’t have to give into that fear, though.  I can still choose to do hard things.

I want you to know that doing hard things is a skill to be desired and learned.  I’m not talking about things that are hard for no reason, like trying to roll over car just by pushing it.  That’s plain silly.  I’m talking about hard things that take determination, that require work, and that result in satisfaction.  Perhaps you’ll struggle with math or spelling.  Working diligently at your difficult subjects takes patience and dedication, but the reward is so worth the effort!

Maybe the hard thing you’ll need to do is telling the truth.  Whatever that looks like – confronting a wayward friend with Biblical truth or confessing to sin of your own – choose to do that hard thing.  The longer you wait, the harder it will be.  Determine to eat that frog and get it over with quickly.

It’s easy to see something that is difficult to accomplish and not want to try it at all.  I would encourage you to do it anyway.  Occasionally, you’ll realize that finishing it isn’t what’s best.  Maybe you’ll try a business venture that, after a good, long, hard trial, isn’t bearing fruit, and it’s time to pursue a different avenue.  That’s completely fine, because you still did the hard thing first.  More often than not, though, you’ll find that doing hard things reaps rewards beyond your imagination and that you can accomplish much, much more than you ever thought possible before you tried.

And just remember, I’ll be your biggest cheer leader as you do those hard things.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 6: Learn to be A Good Friend

Dear Little Princess,

Opportunities for friendships are everywhere.  And I encourage you to pursue deep, meaningful relationships with those around you.  It can be very easy, though, to become so wrapped up in domestic duties, work, childcare, and the daily grind that investing time in others becomes difficult and feels awkward.  I’m really talking to myself here, but since you may well end up developing a personality like mine – an introverted homebody – it’s a good topic to discuss.

Years ago, introversion (feeling shy and quiet in large groups) was poorly understood and often considered a flaw that needed to be treated.  I am so thankful that this is no longer the case and that people now better understand my God-given personality trait!  (Note:  You may not end up being an introvert, and that’s okay.  I’ll share more on that in the coming days, but for now, I’ll share about being a friend while being an introvert since that’s what my experience has been.)

I even think that Jesus might have even been an introvert.  When I read in the Gospels about His leaving for desolate places, I relate so well with His need for alone time.  But almost always when He tried to get away, huge crowds would follow.  Instead of running from them, as I would be tempted to do, He “had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd” (Mark 6:34).

What an example to us!  One of the biggest ways we can deepen our friendships is by having compassion for people, and Jesus is the Perfect Example of this.  And I’ve found over the years that when I am willing to die to myself and put others first, even if I’m uncomfortable, that’s when I’m most able to be a good friend.

In addition to having compassion on others, Little Princess, focusing on God is the very best thing you can do to help you be a good friend.  Focusing on Him will enable you be at your best for serving others.  I’m often tempted to think, “How can I be a better friend to so-and-so?  Should I do this or do that?  What should I say?”  Instead, I need to simply focus on Christ.  If I’m focused on Him, He’ll be faithful to guide my words and actions so that they bless those around me and help me deepen my relationships with my friends.

Friendship was designed by God and is a blessing from Him.  Keep your eyes on Christ, and you will be able to bless your friends and those around you.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 5: Protect Your Modesty

Dear Little Princess,

About a year ago, we were helping Daddy clean out his office when his company moved.  A brand-new purple dress about my size was hanging in a storage room, having been left behind a video shoot.  Daddy asked permission for me to take it home.  Everyone agreed that I could have it.  Surprised that none of the ladies in the office wanted it, I asked why.  “Oh, it’s too conservative,” was the unanimous reply.  I was a little shocked that no one wanted this pricey dress.  The tag attached to the sleeve read $349.  I now own a very costly purple dress that no one else wanted, apparently because it wasn’t revealing enough for others’ liking.

We have the blessing and privilege of being created in the image of God, and with that privilege comes a precious responsibility.  Because we’re His image bearers, we need to treat our bodies as such.  I love how one blogger refers to modesty as “protecting our mystery.”  Modesty isn’t something that many people strive for these days, but it is something that is vitally important if we want to honor the Lord in all we do.

The Bible has much to say about clothing our bodies in a respectful manner (1 Tim. 2:9).  I want you to know that protecting your mystery – modesty in action – is a heart condition, not an outward fashion statement.  I’ve seen professing believers display cleavage and miniskirts, and I’ve seen those with no faith at all keep their bodies tastefully concealed.  That said, being modest does not mean that you have to dress frumpy or in an unattractive manner.  The Bible is also full of examples of the beauty of God’s creation.  Since we are part of that beautiful creation, we can and should dress our best in nice, properly fitting attire.

For you, Little Princess, I pray that you’ll desire to dress in a manner that pleases the Lord, not out of obligation to me or anyone else, but because the Holy Spirit impresses upon your heart that doing so pleases Him.  While Daddy and I will help guide your clothing choices while you’re here at home, eventually, you will have to choose for yourself what you decide to wear.  As with everything else in life, the Holy Spirit will be there to guide your actions.

Someday, I hope that the Lord will bless you with a husband.  If he is a Godly man, he will be thankful that you’ve protected your mystery from other eyes.  He will be grateful for your modesty.  Along those same lines, Godly men who will not become your husband will also appreciate your being adequately clothed.  Daddy can tell you numerous stories of being in uncomfortable settings all because someone else’s wife didn’t take modesty seriously.

All that to say, Little One, is that modesty is extremely important to God.  Take it seriously.  Don’t give in to the temptation to wear a compromising outfit.  Strive to honor the Lord in every area of your life, including your wardrobe.

All my love,

Mommy